Helloween

The suburbs are evil.

Spent the evening at the new catbirds. The bartender felt that I wasn't smiling enough for him, so he gave me shots (in martini glasses). Seriously, I paid for 1 drink all night. Crazy.

Costumes abounded. Beaker. Ms. Spider Piggy. Hulk Hogan. Carlos Colon. Rey Mysterio. Jack Sparrow. The Chicken Avenger. Eve. And then a bunch of tramps.

Girls were drunker than ever. Men were taking advantage. And I was the savior of all. For some unknown reason, girls in the bathroom kept asking me to help them take their pants off. I don't know what this was all about. I'm in line, waiting for a stall, and I hear this crying, and everyone ignores them. I finally walk up, and a girl needs me to unbuckle her belt. Then she asks me her name, and from then on, I kept getting calls: "Kim! Kim!" Every girl in town needed her damn pants unzipped. WTF? I would think I was the product of a lesbian toaster initiation, but they honestly couldn't unzip their pants.

Then one girl shoves her boob in my face, and I mean a naked boob! She makes me touch her (pulls my hand over) and says, "He thinks they are saggy. Are they saggy?" What do you do with that??? I just muttered something about not caring what some stupid man thinks about your boobs. they aren't for him anyway. blah blah blah, and then I slipped out of the bathroom.

Spent the next few moments with young military men who have been in prison.

Then I went home.

Catbirds ain't got nothin' on Bizzaro Catbirds.