Pinenut, also the name of a city
OMG, my left tonsil is the size of a freakin' Brazil nut! I guess the exhaustion after the 8 mile run was not the goblins breaking loose ahead of time but instead the pathogens. I slept all day yesterday, and I could've done so today had I not spent the ENTIRE day on the phone trying to find a doc.
My doc, in my old 'hood, is off on Mondays. Actually, she's off on Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, but who's counting. God, I need to be a doctor. So I'm scrounging around trying to find a doc that is 1)on my insurance plan and 2) somewhere in Stepford--er--I mean Clear Lake. The first person I called is not practicing right now because she is under disciplinary action by the board of medicine. Would I like to make an appointment for the future? Um, NO.
The second person looked fine on paper until I called and the receptionist said, "Hello, Geriatric Ward." Um, NO.
So then I start going even further down the BCBS PPO list: 1) Let's see, um, Doc U? Oh right, that's the idiot who was convinced I had a venereal disease while she gave me a pelvic bc she was concerned about an abnormal amount of lube in my nether regions. Turns out she forgot she had already applied the KY Jelly, and her PA had to remind her. Then she starts laughing and snorts right in my crotch. NO THANK YOU. 2) Doc P, oh right. That's the BITCH who called me obese when I "ballooned" up to a size 8 during my "I hate working in public schools" phase.
So then I call Doc somebody or other. I was on the phone listening to Josh Groban's greatest hits for 15 minutes without talking to a single human. I finally hung up, went to Chinese class, bought last minute crap for my marathon, and drank a cappuccino before calling her back. I drove from Montrose to Clear Lake on hold listening to Beethoven's greatest hits--still no human. Finally, I made it home, called again, made dinner, cleaned out my purse, fed my cats, and unpacked a box (no I'm not finished unpacking) while listening to yanni's greatest hits, when finally I got a human. She told me that out of 16 doctors in what I call an assembly line clinic, no one could see me for 2 weeks. She actually tried to make me an appt for 2 weeks from now. I said, "Lady, my tonsil is swollen the size of a Brazil nut...[insert explanation to the lady as to exactly how large a Brazil nut is]...and it's patched with something white which can't be something good I'm thinking, and I'm not waiting to see how much larger it can get. I don't need open heart surgery. I don't need an enema even. I just need someone to scrape my throat with a little popsicle stick and give me some antibiotics. 10 min max." Her answer: "I'll call you back."
20 min later, she called me back, and I have an appointment with someone who is not a doctor and might actually be a worker from the ice cream store down the street, but nevertheless, she'll see me and after I sign paperwork saying it's ok for a non-doc to give me antibiotics, I can see her.
What is wrong with this picture? I can call and get a pizza delivered within 15 minutes. I can get a hair appointment from hair magic Paul, a hot commodity, the same day. When I call my dentist, I can get in within 5 minutes, and she's the only one working. My cats can get in to see the vet within 20 minutes of me calling. Why can't I get in to see a doctor? Do I need to start randomly making monthly appointments just in case I am sick? WTF?
My doc, in my old 'hood, is off on Mondays. Actually, she's off on Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, but who's counting. God, I need to be a doctor. So I'm scrounging around trying to find a doc that is 1)on my insurance plan and 2) somewhere in Stepford--er--I mean Clear Lake. The first person I called is not practicing right now because she is under disciplinary action by the board of medicine. Would I like to make an appointment for the future? Um, NO.
The second person looked fine on paper until I called and the receptionist said, "Hello, Geriatric Ward." Um, NO.
So then I start going even further down the BCBS PPO list: 1) Let's see, um, Doc U? Oh right, that's the idiot who was convinced I had a venereal disease while she gave me a pelvic bc she was concerned about an abnormal amount of lube in my nether regions. Turns out she forgot she had already applied the KY Jelly, and her PA had to remind her. Then she starts laughing and snorts right in my crotch. NO THANK YOU. 2) Doc P, oh right. That's the BITCH who called me obese when I "ballooned" up to a size 8 during my "I hate working in public schools" phase.
So then I call Doc somebody or other. I was on the phone listening to Josh Groban's greatest hits for 15 minutes without talking to a single human. I finally hung up, went to Chinese class, bought last minute crap for my marathon, and drank a cappuccino before calling her back. I drove from Montrose to Clear Lake on hold listening to Beethoven's greatest hits--still no human. Finally, I made it home, called again, made dinner, cleaned out my purse, fed my cats, and unpacked a box (no I'm not finished unpacking) while listening to yanni's greatest hits, when finally I got a human. She told me that out of 16 doctors in what I call an assembly line clinic, no one could see me for 2 weeks. She actually tried to make me an appt for 2 weeks from now. I said, "Lady, my tonsil is swollen the size of a Brazil nut...[insert explanation to the lady as to exactly how large a Brazil nut is]...and it's patched with something white which can't be something good I'm thinking, and I'm not waiting to see how much larger it can get. I don't need open heart surgery. I don't need an enema even. I just need someone to scrape my throat with a little popsicle stick and give me some antibiotics. 10 min max." Her answer: "I'll call you back."
20 min later, she called me back, and I have an appointment with someone who is not a doctor and might actually be a worker from the ice cream store down the street, but nevertheless, she'll see me and after I sign paperwork saying it's ok for a non-doc to give me antibiotics, I can see her.
What is wrong with this picture? I can call and get a pizza delivered within 15 minutes. I can get a hair appointment from hair magic Paul, a hot commodity, the same day. When I call my dentist, I can get in within 5 minutes, and she's the only one working. My cats can get in to see the vet within 20 minutes of me calling. Why can't I get in to see a doctor? Do I need to start randomly making monthly appointments just in case I am sick? WTF?
posted by Cranky at 6:03 PM
1 Comments:
Hopefully you can shrink the tonsil to the size of a Racaramia nut. Then a walnut. Then a peanut. Then a pinenut. Which is a nut but, like you said, also the name of a city.
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