Ode in Stream of Consciousness and melodrama
Yesterday was my friend, Jeff's, wedding. I've been a bridesmaid 10 times and have attended numerous other weddings for friends, but yesterday's wedding really affected me. I've known Jeff since 6th grade. He was the first person I met in Jr Hi, which is significant because I had gone to a very small parochial school for elementary school. Getting to go to a public school with no uniforms and "evils" at every turn was a huge step for me, and Jeff provided not only a safe haven but introduced me to my closest set of friends, including Edgy.
We met in the parking lot of the intermediate school. He and some friends were playing basketball, and I, in my miniskirt and heels, asked if i could play, too. They were much bigger than I was, so to even up the odds, I proceeded to dig my stilleto into Jeff's foot, steal the ball, and make a layup. After that, I was welcomed into the circle, and we still hang out today.
That said, it was very emotional watching my first teen friend walk down the aisle in a tux. I felt like he should still be that little 13 year old in jeans, as should I. It was like a scene from a melodrama. Flashbulb memories filled my head: the day he confided in me that he had bought a diamond for his first girlfriend (it was literally a diamond, no setting); the time he crowned me with my beanie at the Thespian ceremony and presided over my initiation, despite the fact that we were on a choir trip at the time and had to do the initiate work on the sly; all the times we would go out to Hobby airport and play the guitar and sing the Beatles, Black Crowes, and Pink Floyd while watching the planes come in for a landing right over our heads; driving in the back of his boat of an Oldsmobile passing around a mannequin head, just so that we could say were were giving group head; losing my Rocky Horror virginity (for those of you who don't know, that means that it was my first time to see the show) to his lesbian friend, when they still actually had an auction (she bought me for two tampons and some Indie girl band CD) while he laughed his ass off at me jumping into cherry jello and then being licked all night by his friend who cooed "I love your cherry"; all the nights spent watching movies on a 6' X 8' projection screen with he and Edgy and the crew; drinking on top of his roof; many nights spent at the Kettle post concerts; the Paul McCartney concert, where I screamed nonstop as if I was possessed by a 1960's teenage girl and subsequently losing our car in the Astrodome parking lot; the Pink Floyd concert in NOLA (god what a time that was); the trip to Padre on Spring break where his Olds broke down, and we had to push it up a hill only to find out that we had no place to stay, so we took a bath in the Whataburger sink and slept on the beach, waking up to mosquito bites all over.
They zipped through my head like a whirlwind and then stopped as they pronounced he and his fiance man and wife. It was then that there was an eerie silence in my brain, and I suddenly realized that those memories, though fresh in my brain as if they were current, were just that--memories, and that Jeff, little Jeffy, was married, standing before his wife wearing a penguin suit that, like everything else he wears, didn't fit him just right. He looked like a kid in his father's clothes playing dress up with a friend, only this was real. Jeffy was married.
Then, the whirlwind came back, but this time in fast forward. I could see the passage of time ahead of me, as ephemeral as the past has been. Before long, all of the group will be married, including me, and for most of them, babies will come and will have babies, and you just can't stop it. Time just keeps going and doesn't wait for you to catch up.
Then I turned to look at Edgy, who was looking at me with a look of love that I've always wanted to see from a man, and I realized that I was all grown up. Just like that, and later, as Edgy leaped for the garter like it was the prized holy grail (a tradition I really find vile), I found myself running after him to cover him with glowing kisses.
I'm not sure why Jeff's wedding affected me more than others. All my girlfriends are married and popping out a third kid right now, and I was the one who always bumped the bouquet like it was a volleyball (another tradition I still find ridiculous). Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's because Jeff is my first guy friend to get married. I don't know, but it felt like a chapter in my life shut, no...more like a tome of my life, really, and opened up an entirely new carte blanche, rushing me with a mixture of elation, sadness, nostalgia, anxiety, and hope.
Along those lines, I hope to visit Astroworld next weekend, another chapter of my life erased forever. It's where I had my first boy girl dance with a guy who turned out to be Edgy and was the only place where I felt freedom from my parents as a teenager. I still remember walking into those gates and pulling the rubberband out of my hair (my mom never liked my hair down). Feeling my curls cascade all over my shoulders was such a rush for me. It seems silly now, but it meant something then.
I hope to go there next weekend and pull the band from my hair one last time, as I watch the sunset kiss Astroworld goodbye forever.
Enough sap. Off to look for a new job.
We met in the parking lot of the intermediate school. He and some friends were playing basketball, and I, in my miniskirt and heels, asked if i could play, too. They were much bigger than I was, so to even up the odds, I proceeded to dig my stilleto into Jeff's foot, steal the ball, and make a layup. After that, I was welcomed into the circle, and we still hang out today.
That said, it was very emotional watching my first teen friend walk down the aisle in a tux. I felt like he should still be that little 13 year old in jeans, as should I. It was like a scene from a melodrama. Flashbulb memories filled my head: the day he confided in me that he had bought a diamond for his first girlfriend (it was literally a diamond, no setting); the time he crowned me with my beanie at the Thespian ceremony and presided over my initiation, despite the fact that we were on a choir trip at the time and had to do the initiate work on the sly; all the times we would go out to Hobby airport and play the guitar and sing the Beatles, Black Crowes, and Pink Floyd while watching the planes come in for a landing right over our heads; driving in the back of his boat of an Oldsmobile passing around a mannequin head, just so that we could say were were giving group head; losing my Rocky Horror virginity (for those of you who don't know, that means that it was my first time to see the show) to his lesbian friend, when they still actually had an auction (she bought me for two tampons and some Indie girl band CD) while he laughed his ass off at me jumping into cherry jello and then being licked all night by his friend who cooed "I love your cherry"; all the nights spent watching movies on a 6' X 8' projection screen with he and Edgy and the crew; drinking on top of his roof; many nights spent at the Kettle post concerts; the Paul McCartney concert, where I screamed nonstop as if I was possessed by a 1960's teenage girl and subsequently losing our car in the Astrodome parking lot; the Pink Floyd concert in NOLA (god what a time that was); the trip to Padre on Spring break where his Olds broke down, and we had to push it up a hill only to find out that we had no place to stay, so we took a bath in the Whataburger sink and slept on the beach, waking up to mosquito bites all over.
They zipped through my head like a whirlwind and then stopped as they pronounced he and his fiance man and wife. It was then that there was an eerie silence in my brain, and I suddenly realized that those memories, though fresh in my brain as if they were current, were just that--memories, and that Jeff, little Jeffy, was married, standing before his wife wearing a penguin suit that, like everything else he wears, didn't fit him just right. He looked like a kid in his father's clothes playing dress up with a friend, only this was real. Jeffy was married.
Then, the whirlwind came back, but this time in fast forward. I could see the passage of time ahead of me, as ephemeral as the past has been. Before long, all of the group will be married, including me, and for most of them, babies will come and will have babies, and you just can't stop it. Time just keeps going and doesn't wait for you to catch up.
Then I turned to look at Edgy, who was looking at me with a look of love that I've always wanted to see from a man, and I realized that I was all grown up. Just like that, and later, as Edgy leaped for the garter like it was the prized holy grail (a tradition I really find vile), I found myself running after him to cover him with glowing kisses.
I'm not sure why Jeff's wedding affected me more than others. All my girlfriends are married and popping out a third kid right now, and I was the one who always bumped the bouquet like it was a volleyball (another tradition I still find ridiculous). Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's because Jeff is my first guy friend to get married. I don't know, but it felt like a chapter in my life shut, no...more like a tome of my life, really, and opened up an entirely new carte blanche, rushing me with a mixture of elation, sadness, nostalgia, anxiety, and hope.
Along those lines, I hope to visit Astroworld next weekend, another chapter of my life erased forever. It's where I had my first boy girl dance with a guy who turned out to be Edgy and was the only place where I felt freedom from my parents as a teenager. I still remember walking into those gates and pulling the rubberband out of my hair (my mom never liked my hair down). Feeling my curls cascade all over my shoulders was such a rush for me. It seems silly now, but it meant something then.
I hope to go there next weekend and pull the band from my hair one last time, as I watch the sunset kiss Astroworld goodbye forever.
Enough sap. Off to look for a new job.
posted by Cranky at 8:55 PM
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