Halloween Highlights
Top quotes of the evening in random but somewhat chronological order (Names are deleted to protect the guilty):
1. "I'm wearing Dickies, just like the people at Starbucks!"
2. "My hair is hard."
3. "I've got the golden ticket, and I'm melting on it."
4. [With fluttering eyes, after hearing his hair was beautiful] "Oh thank you!" [then with a gruff voice] "It took me two hours to do this makeup and these bobby pins are killing me. I swear this will never be permanent. I don't know how you girls do this."
5. "My name's on a tombstone. I'm going to eat it."
6. "Oh, I thought that was his...um...little superman hanging out."
7. "Dude, that guy was infinitely worse than that "Touch My Monkey" guy at your first stock my bar party, and that's saying a lot."
8. [following the last comment] "That touch my monkey guy is my husband--soon to be ex."
9. "Oh man, this is the made for tv version. It won't show the warthog giving head."
10. [discussing my Willy Wonka costume] "She's sooo cute. You just want to take her home and...I dunno. What do you do with Lucy from the Peanuts when you take her home?"
11. "I'm a freak. I'm a mutant freak. SBC told me so."
12. "I need to ask you a very personal question: Your voter registration card is on the back of the toilet, and I put it in the basket on the back of the toilet. Are you ok with that because I know that voter registrations are supposed to be secret and all and I don't want you to be mad that I touched it, but I thought you'd want it in the basket. My belly button ring is flashing. I normally have a belly button ring but it doesn't flash so this one is better. Look, I can shake my hips. I'm taking belly dancing lessons. [She stands still] See, are they shaking?"
13. [touching my wig] "You have short hair. You don't normally have short hair. You're a short haired girl. It's like Single White Female. I like it."
14. [said by same person as last comment] "What's Kevin Smith's wife supposed to be? I've been sitting here all night trying to figure it out, and I just don't know. Maybe she's just a hair girl."
15. "You throw the best parties because you have little things and because you are shottastic. I think I'm going to come to all of your parties. I like your house."
16. " I can't find my keys. They have a mace on them. Have you seen them? I can't drive without my keys with a mace on them. How will I get home?" [we hid the keys. Someone sober drove her home.]
17. "Will you please have the smokers go down the street, around the bend, through the thick forest, and into a sealed room?" (Ok, I embellished that one).
18. "I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting with my eyes closed, no open, no...closed...I dunno."
19. [said much like "I like grapes"] "I like cheese." [He was eating hummus].
20. "There was this little person and she was laughing and running around and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA laughing and running around like this [she runs like a kid pretending to be an airplane] and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and she got into her car and was still laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAA and she looked at me and laughed like HAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I thought, 'Man, this might be fun' because I think she's moving into the neighborhood."
1. "I'm wearing Dickies, just like the people at Starbucks!"
2. "My hair is hard."
3. "I've got the golden ticket, and I'm melting on it."
4. [With fluttering eyes, after hearing his hair was beautiful] "Oh thank you!" [then with a gruff voice] "It took me two hours to do this makeup and these bobby pins are killing me. I swear this will never be permanent. I don't know how you girls do this."
5. "My name's on a tombstone. I'm going to eat it."
6. "Oh, I thought that was his...um...little superman hanging out."
7. "Dude, that guy was infinitely worse than that "Touch My Monkey" guy at your first stock my bar party, and that's saying a lot."
8. [following the last comment] "That touch my monkey guy is my husband--soon to be ex."
9. "Oh man, this is the made for tv version. It won't show the warthog giving head."
10. [discussing my Willy Wonka costume] "She's sooo cute. You just want to take her home and...I dunno. What do you do with Lucy from the Peanuts when you take her home?"
11. "I'm a freak. I'm a mutant freak. SBC told me so."
12. "I need to ask you a very personal question: Your voter registration card is on the back of the toilet, and I put it in the basket on the back of the toilet. Are you ok with that because I know that voter registrations are supposed to be secret and all and I don't want you to be mad that I touched it, but I thought you'd want it in the basket. My belly button ring is flashing. I normally have a belly button ring but it doesn't flash so this one is better. Look, I can shake my hips. I'm taking belly dancing lessons. [She stands still] See, are they shaking?"
13. [touching my wig] "You have short hair. You don't normally have short hair. You're a short haired girl. It's like Single White Female. I like it."
14. [said by same person as last comment] "What's Kevin Smith's wife supposed to be? I've been sitting here all night trying to figure it out, and I just don't know. Maybe she's just a hair girl."
15. "You throw the best parties because you have little things and because you are shottastic. I think I'm going to come to all of your parties. I like your house."
16. " I can't find my keys. They have a mace on them. Have you seen them? I can't drive without my keys with a mace on them. How will I get home?" [we hid the keys. Someone sober drove her home.]
17. "Will you please have the smokers go down the street, around the bend, through the thick forest, and into a sealed room?" (Ok, I embellished that one).
18. "I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting with my eyes closed, no open, no...closed...I dunno."
19. [said much like "I like grapes"] "I like cheese." [He was eating hummus].
20. "There was this little person and she was laughing and running around and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA laughing and running around like this [she runs like a kid pretending to be an airplane] and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and she got into her car and was still laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAA and she looked at me and laughed like HAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I thought, 'Man, this might be fun' because I think she's moving into the neighborhood."
Labels: halloween, mutant freak, party
posted by Cranky at 8:50 PM
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