Kimday Kickoff and doc crazypants

Well, the week has been pretty mundane, but I did kick it off with a little MJ. Well done. Showcases both the geniuses of MJ and Kenny Ortega. Choreography, graphics--amazing. My friend and I were singing and dancing in the back. Sadly, the place was bare, and the few people who were there sat stoically in their seats, munching popcorn like tools.

Since then, I've been working my ass off with midterms (last one due Monday) and other assignments. I present in San Fran next week, so I've got some last minute stuff to put together, and my research project finally got approved, so I've started recruitment.

Oh, Halloween was fun but again, barren. NO one was out.

And I'm still fighting off the funk, which doc crazypants says is allergies. I forgot to write about the doc crazypants saga. I went in for upper respiratory problems, and he was more concerned that I hadn't had a pap smear in 2 years, reminding me that women's bodies are like wet paint. Things, apparently, stick to us like little pieces of fuzz, lint, and dirt do to a freshly painted wall.

Ok, first of all, since when did pap smears become less about preventative medicine (read: cancer and the like) and more about cleaning out my insides from all the wild, crazy, "lint" producing sex women have? Isn't this why it is called a well woman exam? It's like that damn vaccine to protect against cervical cancer. Hello? A) why aren't men vaccinated; B) um, sometimes cervical cancer just happens! It's not all about a nasty cooch. And furthermore, I went in to have my damn ears, nose, and throat looked at! WTF? Ah well, chalk it up to all the fuckwit docs I've had through the years.

Ok back to midterming and hot tea.

Geisha moment

Remember that scene in Memoirs of a Geisha when Sayuri learns how to stop a man in his tracks with a single look? I had that effect 2 times today. It was rather funny.

I'm convinced it's my Detective Beckett jacket. There's power in pleather.

Tonight I am going to look like this. Yay Halloween! Wonder if I'll still stop 'em in their tracks.

Post Halloween Meme

I'm a little late, but what the hell:

What were you last year for Halloween?
LuAnn Platter

What were you this year?
Nothing. :(

Favorite costume you have ever worn?
Willy Wonka

Others I liked: Wonder Woman, Pink Panther, Smurfette

How did you spend your Halloween?
Volunteering at a Trunk or Treat in the community

Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes. Absolutely. If you've ever been in any of my houses/apartments, you've probably seen the ones I believe in. They follow me around.

Are you superstitious?
No. None of that stuff is true. (Knock on wood)

Do you like caramel popcorn?
Um, sometimes

Have you ever gone in the country to look for pumpkins?
uh, does a farmer's market count?

Have you ever been on a hayride?
Hell yeah.

Do you decorate your home for Halloween?
Yes.

Have you ever been to a haunted house?
Yes. I'm not so good at haunted houses. I sort of, well, I'm one of those people who will kick, scream, beat, maul, maim, and destroy anything/anyone who gets in my way of getting out of there as quickly as possible.

Have you ever been to a graveyard on Halloween?
Yep. High school. College. Yep.

Have you ever attended a Halloween party?
I throw them. What are you talkin' about?

Do you watch scary movies on Halloween?
Yeah, though this year it was Baby Mama. Scary in some ways, I guess.

Have you ever had your candy stolen from you?
No, I don't think so. I've never even had to think about that. Wow. I wonder if I have and just don't know it.

Did you ever steal any ones candy?
No, why would you do that?

Has anyone ever gotten hurt due to your prank?
No. Ha ha. My pranks always backfire on me anyway.

Have you ever dressed as a witch/warlock?
No. My costumes are always a bit more creative.

What a weekend

Well, there are no official Kimday festivities, seeing as I'm in the armpit of Texas, but I'm sure I'll be doing something that day. There is a lubbock singles social event at a local restaurant. It has a giant sign on the roof with a man who looks something akin to this. That's kinda tempting.

As for this weekend, I was pretty busy. Halloween was spent passing out candy to children and little people pretending to be children: "Gimme some candy!" Then D, E and I watched Baby Mama and drank rum.

Next was the Tech game on Saturday. Let's see. Highlights: we drank shots for every touchdown; we wore red rider masks--mine was crooked most of the night; we lost our voices; oh, and for the impromptu half time entertainment, I danced the garage choreography from Beat It (cue up to 3:59) on the bar Coyote Ugly style, winning a free martini and much accolades from Tech and UT fans all around. After that was much screaming and jumping, and today, I am still sore and hoarse, but gah what a game!

Sunday was spent with vitamin water and chinese food and The Happening. The most important thing of the weekend was that I didn't do a DAMN bit of work/schoolwork.

Today, took the car back into the shop, worked all night, researched local candidates, which only served to piss me off. Really, there is no point in voting in the local election since there are no choices on the ballot. Only one person (and one party) is running in every category. It's unfuckingbelievable. But the wet county prop made it to the ballot, and I will be there punching out that chad (though I think Lbb has elec voting now).

And now I have to read articles again and try to figure out the intervention I am going to design for one of my classes. Guh.

Nothin' Ever Happens on Mars--er--Lubbock

Remember the good ole days when I used to post fantastically funny things that happened to me. Remember the rants about my job and the big headed baby? [Ah God, Glinda, I seriously almost linked to your flickr photo of her, but my inner angel just couldn't let me do it].

Remember the awesome parties and nights out at the devilport? That just doesn't happen anymore. And it's not like I've lost my cynicism or caustic wit (no, certainly not that). It's just that nothing freakin' happens here. You would think that somewhere in this town something funny would happen. I got nuttin'.

Perhaps it has a bit to do with the fact that I NEVER EVER EVER STOP WRITING FUCKING PAPERS AND TAKING FUCKING MIDTERMS. Yeah, it might have something to do with that. Jeez, I need a freakin' vacation.

Mmm, well there was that guy, a nicely dressed MBA type--should've been my first sign to stay away, who bought me a beer and then asked me what lotion I was wearing. I said that it was perfume, actu... And then he interrupted me and said, "Well I hope it's not Bath and Body Works bc I don't like to use that. Don't you have anything tingly in your purse?" Keep in mind, we're at a bar, and I just met him. This leads to him making other requests about watching him masturbate when I'm luckily saved by my friends. Yeah, see, there was a time when I could make even that funny, but here, no, it's just fucking creepy because it's fucking LUBBOCK!

Ok folks, goal for the weekend--I will find something funny to write about. It's all perspective. Yes, I will triumph!

No Vault needed

A year ago I wrote this poem. Today I'm feeling just fine. I think I suffered more mental anguish yesterday than alcohol anguish. Seriously, though, the new Catbirds is evil, and I should not venture out there without my friends and chaperones. Darth was too busy at the real Catbirds, and 2shirts (in lame suburban fashion) was passing out candy at a coworker's house. Come on! You boys should be blocking me from the evils abounding in Clear Lake. It's an easy task now that Glinda, the greater evil, is not here to lure me into the "dorksided". ;-)

A shout out to Darth, though. He bought a new sith crib with hot tub and swanky pool. It's 1/2way between Clear Lake and the 'trose, so it might become the new new Catbirds for a future Kimday event.

Seriously, though, not all that excited about Halloween this year or Kimday. what the hell is wrong with me? I'm a curmudgeon.

My cats like vodka and other tales

Mia has learned the art of opening the liquor cabinet, and she has a habit of trying to open the vodka bottle. Yesterday, I poured myself a vodka cranberry, walked into the kitchen for a bit, and came back to find her head in the rocks glass. When she lifted it out, her mischievous smile was pink.

's been awhile since I posted, so let's see if I can catch everyone up to speed. As promised, the Astroworld highlights will be posted soon.

Halloween was a nonevent. We passed out candy to Millenials, Gen Y folks and even Gen Xers who were still in the spirit. Mama and Papa Cass kept turning out my porch light (we share a switch) because they ran out of candy necklaces (who eats those, and moreover, who passes them out?). Rumor has it that candy necklaces aren't the worst thing to get for Halloween. A teacher at school was bragging about how she was able to clean out her refrigerator. She gave one kid a head of iceberg lettuce. I'm as stunned as you are, believe me. What level of hell does that get you?

Tuesday was spent giving a test all around (HCC and PISD). Did I mention that they can't pay me because they don't have paper?

Wednesday was spent with Glinda, Gordie, and Edgy in the twinkle room of Chapultepec after I was ditched for my bday celebration. Made up for it.

today was teach all day day--Walker, Levertov, Herrera-Sobek, Wordsworth, Mistral, Burns, Hawthorne, Mill, and Carlyle. It's like a patchwork quilt of authors. I filled my spare time with internet searches and stupid quizzes like, "should you be a librarian?" I scored 100%, damnit.

Damn, I have an exciting life. Anyway, have to finish my eggnog and clean the house for the parental units who arrive tomorrow to celebrate Kimday.

Did you know there is a site called "Free Range Librarian?" It's so nice that the little librarians get to roam the yard in freedom before they become Thanksgiving dinner.

Halloween Highlights

Top quotes of the evening in random but somewhat chronological order (Names are deleted to protect the guilty):

1. "I'm wearing Dickies, just like the people at Starbucks!"
2. "My hair is hard."
3. "I've got the golden ticket, and I'm melting on it."
4. [With fluttering eyes, after hearing his hair was beautiful] "Oh thank you!" [then with a gruff voice] "It took me two hours to do this makeup and these bobby pins are killing me. I swear this will never be permanent. I don't know how you girls do this."
5. "My name's on a tombstone. I'm going to eat it."
6. "Oh, I thought that was his...um...little superman hanging out."
7. "Dude, that guy was infinitely worse than that "Touch My Monkey" guy at your first stock my bar party, and that's saying a lot."
8. [following the last comment] "That touch my monkey guy is my husband--soon to be ex."
9. "Oh man, this is the made for tv version. It won't show the warthog giving head."
10. [discussing my Willy Wonka costume] "She's sooo cute. You just want to take her home and...I dunno. What do you do with Lucy from the Peanuts when you take her home?"
11. "I'm a freak. I'm a mutant freak. SBC told me so."
12. "I need to ask you a very personal question: Your voter registration card is on the back of the toilet, and I put it in the basket on the back of the toilet. Are you ok with that because I know that voter registrations are supposed to be secret and all and I don't want you to be mad that I touched it, but I thought you'd want it in the basket. My belly button ring is flashing. I normally have a belly button ring but it doesn't flash so this one is better. Look, I can shake my hips. I'm taking belly dancing lessons. [She stands still] See, are they shaking?"
13. [touching my wig] "You have short hair. You don't normally have short hair. You're a short haired girl. It's like Single White Female. I like it."
14. [said by same person as last comment] "What's Kevin Smith's wife supposed to be? I've been sitting here all night trying to figure it out, and I just don't know. Maybe she's just a hair girl."
15. "You throw the best parties because you have little things and because you are shottastic. I think I'm going to come to all of your parties. I like your house."
16. " I can't find my keys. They have a mace on them. Have you seen them? I can't drive without my keys with a mace on them. How will I get home?" [we hid the keys. Someone sober drove her home.]
17. "Will you please have the smokers go down the street, around the bend, through the thick forest, and into a sealed room?" (Ok, I embellished that one).
18. "I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting with my eyes closed, no open, no...closed...I dunno."
19. [said much like "I like grapes"] "I like cheese." [He was eating hummus].
20. "There was this little person and she was laughing and running around and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA laughing and running around like this [she runs like a kid pretending to be an airplane] and laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and she got into her car and was still laughing like HAAAAAAAAAAAA and she looked at me and laughed like HAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I thought, 'Man, this might be fun' because I think she's moving into the neighborhood."

Halloween Soiree

The party went well. 28 people showed up, so that was a decent number. It was much more mellow than the last party, and I got to actually participate, so I was pleased. The last person, other than those who camped out, left at 4:30.

I wasn't feeling well for the first part of the night. My huevos con papas didn't settle well with me. By the time most of the people showed up, though, I was feeling better though a little worn from having emptied the contents of my stomach several times. I couldn't eat anything last night, so I'm hoping the food was good. Meatballs disappeared, as did the cheese dip and other items. I didn't have much to clean up this morning.

Sadly, though, half of the pictures I took last night were deleted. If anyone has any, please send them to me.

It feels a little weird to have finished Halloween already. I usually have the party on the weekend of Halloween, so I feel like next week should be my birthday.

Today was spent cleaning up and shopping at Borders for Christmas presents. It was educator weekend--one of the only perks of being a teacher. Oh, and they are having a Narnia night on Nov 5. I'll be in SA, but the guest speaker is from HBU, so I don't think I'll miss much. Educator night at the Rockets is that night, too. Ah well, the quest for the holy Man Hands is more important.

Astros win! Yippee!