IT"S KIMDAY!

How are you celebrating? :)

Kimday Kickoff and doc crazypants

Well, the week has been pretty mundane, but I did kick it off with a little MJ. Well done. Showcases both the geniuses of MJ and Kenny Ortega. Choreography, graphics--amazing. My friend and I were singing and dancing in the back. Sadly, the place was bare, and the few people who were there sat stoically in their seats, munching popcorn like tools.

Since then, I've been working my ass off with midterms (last one due Monday) and other assignments. I present in San Fran next week, so I've got some last minute stuff to put together, and my research project finally got approved, so I've started recruitment.

Oh, Halloween was fun but again, barren. NO one was out.

And I'm still fighting off the funk, which doc crazypants says is allergies. I forgot to write about the doc crazypants saga. I went in for upper respiratory problems, and he was more concerned that I hadn't had a pap smear in 2 years, reminding me that women's bodies are like wet paint. Things, apparently, stick to us like little pieces of fuzz, lint, and dirt do to a freshly painted wall.

Ok, first of all, since when did pap smears become less about preventative medicine (read: cancer and the like) and more about cleaning out my insides from all the wild, crazy, "lint" producing sex women have? Isn't this why it is called a well woman exam? It's like that damn vaccine to protect against cervical cancer. Hello? A) why aren't men vaccinated; B) um, sometimes cervical cancer just happens! It's not all about a nasty cooch. And furthermore, I went in to have my damn ears, nose, and throat looked at! WTF? Ah well, chalk it up to all the fuckwit docs I've had through the years.

Ok back to midterming and hot tea.

Kimday approaches

We have reached Kimweek, and it is time to reassess the 34 things to do before I am 35.

1. DONE: start my 7000 project
2. DONE: finish at least one scrapbook in my pile of thrown together pictures.
3. TO DO: wear one of my formal dresses somewhere prudent, as opposed to a random Monday that I term Megafabulous McDonald's Monday or something
4. To DO: sing on the street corner for money at least once
5. DONE: put a zombie apocalypse escape plan together
6. DONE: start planning an Alternative Kimday Action Plan (AKAP)
7. DONE: take my mp3 player out of its package and actually load it
8. DONE: Give up guilt over stupid things like forgotten thank you notes from 2 years ago and the like
9. DONE: Use my SWA gift certificate
10. UM...BETTER IS RELATIVE, SO DONE: become better at shunning the foods I'm allergic to
11. DONE: quit buying pints of ice cream bc I only eat about 3 bites out of the container with a fork and then neglect it until it morphs into a little crystallized Whoville. If I want ice cream, I'll just go to the scoop shop
12. DONE. I LOST IT: figure out what to do with the swarovski crystal kangaroo with the broken tail that a student gave me one year
13. DONE: pick up the wiper blades that I ordered from the dealer 3 weeks ago and just haven't picked up because I hate auto dealers
14. DONE: use my football servingware (hopefully this weekend)
15. DONE: at least think about writing again
16. DONE: read at least one book on my to read list that is not school related
17. DONE: actually use my backyard for something--a party, reading in a lawn chair, dancing naked, something!
18. DONE: go to a drive in theatre
19. TO DO: just throw away a pillow. just toss it. I have this thing that I can't get rid of pillows. I buy new ones and either store the old ones (just in case--of what I don't know) or transform them into cat beds or back rests or something. it's insane. I have a problem.
20. DONE!: avoid mowing my yard. I've done it thus far, so hopefully I can continue.
21. PROBABLY NOT GONNA GET DONE: get another stamp on my passport (I stole this one from s&s)
22. DONE: actually remember how old I am. Seriously, I have to do the math, and I keep second guessing myself when I get an answer
23. SIGNED UP!: while I don't have time to train for my 3rd marathon, I'd like to at least run a half this year
24. TO DO: watch the first season of House
25. TO DO: find some way to release my inner artist without having to spend a lot of money. Maybe I'll try out for community theatre. I'd try the lubbock ballet, but they are too snooty
26. DONE: treat myself to at least one pedicure
27. APPT FOR DECEMBER: get to the chiropractor at least once
28. TO DO: have a picnic in prairie dog town
29. DONE: celebrate groundhog's day
30. DONE: paint something. Anything.
31. DONE: have one entirely perfect witty moment--you know, like when you have the perfect comeback in utter dry nonchalance
32. TO DO: go roller skating
33. DONE: meet someone intriguing
34. DONE: do something I've always wanted to do but have never done (and at this moment, that something escapes me)

So you can see I have a few things left on my list this week. It will be tough to fit them in with midterms. We'll see. Maybe I can get the grad student extension.

Kimday musing

Would it be odd to celebrate one's birthday by oneself in Vegas? For some reason, (perhaps I am becoming a hermit), this is sounding more and more appealing.

It also might be the fact that I feel as if a truck ran over me. Fighting off whatever funk is running around the LBB.

Anyway, I have to make a decision soon, but for now, off to bed.

Case of the Mondays

Today, I missed the bus, had to drive, and the back of my driver's seat broke (lays down flat). To to it off, I got stuck in an elevator. No love. No livin' it up. Just standing. And sitting. And waiting. And fantasizing about doing this to the first generation laser printer in the grad office that taunts me with its mechana dentata.

I got some reading done at least. And I got half the paperwork squared away for my conference in San Fran. Doc's gonna be there! Yay, Doc! And I got to think about Kimday a little. It's between Las Vegas, NOLA, and Disneyworld. Thoughts?

Best part of today: someone asked me what I was going to do with my PhD, and I said, "Construction.[in keeping with the Office Space theme of the day]" He believed me. I love that! I'm only half kidding, though. I am so there if the whole secret agent in a sexy trench coat and hot shoes thing doesn't work out.

chaos theory, potato chips, and I think I need more rum

Really, I think if I had a job writing acrid blog posts all day, I'd be so happy. I'd be like the caustic Peggy Hill with her musings. Only mine would be morose, maudlin, melancholy musings and not redneck, ignorant ones. Anybody know someone that would hire me? I'd quit this PhD shit in a second!

Oh, Prax, my prof is from Jersey, and she told me tonight that I am not cynical enough for Jersey. LOL!

Ok but really, I love my theory class. Seriously, this place makes me crazy, but on Tuesday nights, that all fades away into this blissful 3 hour class. I LOVE this class. Tonight, for example, we mused about the possibility of multi-verses and about what our "other selves" are doing at this moment. Personally, my other self is perpetually drinking whiskey, even when my present self is drinking whiskey, and that posed a problem to the theory, but not to mine, so perhaps I should write my own theory. Cranky Theory. I've got to come up with a diagram, though, because all the best theories have diagrams. I think it would look like Hemingway.

But really, the thing I like about this program is that it is multi-disciplinary. We are learning so much from so many disciplines: art, architecture, physics, biology, chemistry, anthropology, sociology...the list goes on. tonight, for example, it was all about string theory and quantum mechanics with a dash of thermodynamics and field theory. It was the most fascinating discussion, especially since it is such a hard class that everyone dropped out. The dynamics are so different when there are only 2 people in the class. AAAA, I would quit this damn place in a second if it weren't for the classes. I love the classes. Brilliant!

So we left class all jazzed up as usual, and D and I headed out for the customary celebratory wings and beer. I got asked out but ruined it as always by making some stupid comment about age. Why can't I just leave it alone? So he's 23? Who cares? But I had to make some mention about the formula bc now that I had a birthday, 23 is too young. Why can't I just keep my damned mouth shut? Ah well, still got free drinks out of it. Love bartenders.

And the positive thinking shit, well, kinda worked. I mean, I know for a fact that Zach Braff has suddenly realized I exist and is going to look up housing in Lubbock tomorrow! And Agent Mulder, while not in this universe, is certainly alive and living next door to my doppelganger, so that's a plus. The french fry fairy left some tonight at the bar but forgot to leave me some money to pay for it. I'll have to think harder next time. And I did get an A on the paper from the prof who "never gives As" so that rocks!

So let's keep going with this shit. Ok, here goes:

1. The 49ers will win the next 20 superbowls.
2. The cubbies will suddenly produce a butterfly effect that will break the curse and win us the next world series.
3. I will stop mentioning my real age when people think I'm 22. Hell, tomorrow I will be 22 but with the brain of my real age.
4. The french fry fairy, who is married to the whiskey fairy, will pay a giant advanced tab for me at the Davenport for when I come back into H-Town.
5. The vacation fairy will leave me a plane ticket to somewhere civilized very soon.
6. The stunning man, who was checking me out at the bar tonight but just couldn't bring himself to talk to me because I was wasting my life talking to the 23 year old about the formula, will come talk to me tomorrow bc I am telling everyone it is my bday tomorrow bc I didn't get a decent enough Kimday this year.
7. Fence Rider will get a giant kick in the ass and will call me up and confess his soul.
8. I will kick Fence Rider in the ass. And then make love to him in every position possible on my roof in the middle of a storm while a raven sings in the background. (ok, there had to be some 19th centurty Gothic literature in there somewhere)
9. The stunning man will be jealous of the escapades on the roof and will profess his need to have my brilliant, genius mind, so I will give him that and give Fence Rider my doppelganger's body.
10. Someone will randomly send me Zardoz in the mail.

I'm eating potato chips--just so you don't think the title is a farce.

hard. 2. type

Oh man oh man. Asking for a gym membership for Kimday was a bad idea. It's nearing snow season here, and it gets dark early. With the crazy schedule I keep, I've found that I haven't had time to run in a month. So what did I want for Kimday? Money towards a gym membership.

First off, I have to say that I got a good deal on it. I got them to waive the $150 app fee and take 50% off each month. So it's 25 a month to make me feel like shit. So today I have my fitness assessment. I'm thinking, no big deal, a couple of calipers and a scale. it's my nightmare, but I'll make it through. Um, no.

the damn thing lasted an hour. He tested everything and made me feel adequately bad about myself but in a charming James Bond sort of way (British accent). I'm underweight and have too low a BMI, but my body fat percentage is not in the excellent range. it's only acceptable. That's like getting a C in body fat class and an F in the other 2. Ugh. So I'm supposed to put on weight and lose a couple of percentages of body fat to reach happy excellent status.

So what does Rod make me do? Yes, his name is Rod, pronounced so elegantly from his lips. He kills my ass. Full body workout isn't what I thought a full body workout was. I'm thinkin a couple of squats, some lunges, work my way around the little machines a bit. This man is a sadist. He made me do every exercise in the book. An HOUR! I worked out muscles I didn't even know I had! And now, I have difficulty using whatever muscle helps me push the shift key. And washing my hair hurt. Oh god.

I don't know which one did it, but it killed me. And so he gives me my workout plan. I can keep with my running schedule, but I have to add 3X week full body workout, one powerlifting class, one yoga class and kickboxing. He says my body was made to kickbox. I was born for it. Ok, Rod. I mean, when he talks to me, I just say ok bc of the accent, but now I'm home and mad. Are you shitting me? Log 10-15 miles a week plus yoga, powerlifting, weight training, and kickboxing? Guh. I have to do it for a month, or I can't quit and get my money back. We'll see. Oh god.

Kimday 2008

I suppose the fact that I can't get this song out of my head means that I should write about this year's Kimday, despite the fact that it was rather uneventful.

[shakes her head to remove the song] Ok, let's see. Kimday itself was normal. I worked or at least I pretended to work. And then I went out to the mail. Praxis had told me he was sending me something, so when I saw a package for me, I thought Wow. It's here. Plus there was another fed ex package from a girl I used to work with. I was late to a meeting, so I put them in my car and headed out to the local coffee shop.

I got a call from my prof that she was going to be late, so I decided to go ahead and open the presents in the car. The Fed Ex was a stack of homemade cards from the kids at the school I used to administrate. That was awesome. The other, however, was a bit disturbing.

Thinking it was from Prax, I'm excited to see a warrior bobblehead or goulet pencil box or something, and instead, I see the gigantic pair of bull's balls mentioned earlier designed to go on monster trucks. So disturbing. No return address (Sent from the factory) and no note inside. It wasn't Praxis. Oh and it included a keyring sized blue pair.

So I had my meeting and then got a call from my friend who told me she was sick and couldn't go out for my birthday. Everyone else I know here was on the conference trip I declined to go to, so I was all alone. Then, though, another classmate called who didn't go either and took me to dinner at a nice restaurant. I was home by 10, in bed by 11, asleep by 12 after reading August's issue of Runner's World (it's been sitting neglected for months).

Yup. That's Kimday. and unKimday was equally less exciting. I had to screen movies for a class bc I have to apply quantum theory to one of them. And today I slept until 11, picked at some spaghetti, and am thinking about spending one of my giftcards. I've got to outline the above paper today and bake some banana bread. Oh, and I think I'm going to ask the 'rents for a gym membership for xmas bc running in Lubbock is not working out. My only times for running happen in the dark and ever since someone tried to bust down my door, I'm a little skittish about doing so in my neighborhood. I figure, at least for winter, a gym is a positive thing.

That's all folks.

Calling all librarians

and other bored researchers.

For my Kimday present, I would like all of you to search every obscure database you have access to in order to find a video clip of Robert Goulet,dressed in some scary pelted suit,riding in a sleigh, singing some Christmas Song.

In other news, someone sent me plastic bull balls for my car for Kimday. I'm not sure what to do with them, as I think they'd drag the ground in my little Slick sedan. Also, even if I had been depleted of oxygen for hours while simultaneously pounding shots and drilling a hole in my brain, I don't think that I would be tempted to display them anywhere. Thank god I didn't take them into the coffee shop where my meeting was. I almost did. Can you imagine the look on my prof's face? Oh lord. I am assuming it was not any of my fair readers. I think I know who did it, and it was all in jest about Lubbock. Still, a little heads up would be nice.

They came, also, with a small, blue set for my keyring. Nice, huh?

um

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Foolish Beat

I woke up this morning and could not get this song out of my head. At least it's not Lost in Your Eyes. Oh crap. Nope. Singing that one, too. I think I still have a hat like the one she wears in that video. Maybe I'll wear it for Kimday tomorrow. ;) Didn't Stewie sing that on Family Guy?

Today is Kimday Eve. Got 2 gift cards in the mail today, so I'll have somewhat of a social life this week. Yea Kimday Eve. It will be spent teaching, reading articles, and watching a flick for class. Whohooooo.

Oh and probably still singing Debbie Gibson. Sigh.

In other news, Obama mesmerized my cats last night. I should've taken a picture of them sitting in front of the TV watching. LOL. You'd think they'd shun him for inviting a puppy in the White House. And he didn't even include them in his list of Americans. What about the cats, O? What about the cats? They love you! Ah, my little liberal kitties! :) Plus, they're totally stoked about prop 2 passing in California. They support the farm animals. Love my kitties.

What a weekend

Well, there are no official Kimday festivities, seeing as I'm in the armpit of Texas, but I'm sure I'll be doing something that day. There is a lubbock singles social event at a local restaurant. It has a giant sign on the roof with a man who looks something akin to this. That's kinda tempting.

As for this weekend, I was pretty busy. Halloween was spent passing out candy to children and little people pretending to be children: "Gimme some candy!" Then D, E and I watched Baby Mama and drank rum.

Next was the Tech game on Saturday. Let's see. Highlights: we drank shots for every touchdown; we wore red rider masks--mine was crooked most of the night; we lost our voices; oh, and for the impromptu half time entertainment, I danced the garage choreography from Beat It (cue up to 3:59) on the bar Coyote Ugly style, winning a free martini and much accolades from Tech and UT fans all around. After that was much screaming and jumping, and today, I am still sore and hoarse, but gah what a game!

Sunday was spent with vitamin water and chinese food and The Happening. The most important thing of the weekend was that I didn't do a DAMN bit of work/schoolwork.

Today, took the car back into the shop, worked all night, researched local candidates, which only served to piss me off. Really, there is no point in voting in the local election since there are no choices on the ballot. Only one person (and one party) is running in every category. It's unfuckingbelievable. But the wet county prop made it to the ballot, and I will be there punching out that chad (though I think Lbb has elec voting now).

And now I have to read articles again and try to figure out the intervention I am going to design for one of my classes. Guh.

OH I forgot!

Today marked the official opening ceremonies of Kimday 2008! I received my first Kimday present, a 24 pack of highlighters (I go through one a week) and a target gift card. Keep 'em comin'!

Ok that's it

Excuse me? Have we all forgotten Kimday is coming up? Hello! 9 days people. Though I will be stuck in this pit of the universe (90% decided to ditch the conference), I still expect everyone to party in their respective towns, sending a pic of you holding a poster that says, "I am celebrating Kimday in (your town)."

It's easy to remember: two days after election day. So get your ass in a voting booth and then begin the celebration.

Kimday Countdown

T minus 78 days. And just to kick off the countdown, I will remind you all of the Kimday #30. Remember this song?

ah. Too bad I didn't have my blog back then.

Older and Wiser

Things I learned from this year's Kimday:

1. When hanging out with people who are in the local brewing club, one should always check the labels on the beer. Some of them are 9% alcohol. Some are 11%.

2. After unknowingly consuming beer with high levels of alcohol, one should never try to pack for a trip the next day.

3. When packing after #1 and 2, if all one can think to pack is undies and a fez, don't worry. You will be able to buy electrical tape and a ukulele at your final destination. If you happen to forget this fact in a panic, just text Glinda. She'll remind you.

4. There is a distinct difference in drinking all night and having 4 hours of sleep when you are in college and doing the same in your thirties. This is why most people settle down and have kids. They have an excuse to avoid a horrible hangover.

5. No matter how much they claim to be conservative, San Diego is infinitely more moderate than anywhere in Texas.

6. Running in California feels like flying compared to humidity and pollutant saturated Houston.

7. Never tell people in an airport bar that it is your birthday. They will buy you shots and expect you to drink them. A good comeback, though, when they scream alcohol abuse as you walk away from 4 shots sitting on the bar--"No, I don't abuse alcohol. That's why I can walk away from it." (This is also another sign that you have reached your thirties).

8. Never work for a company that at your little bday party expects you to tell them 3 things about you that they don't know. I mean, wtf do you divulge? The best thing to do is make something up: "My aunt is a crossdresser who is addicted to chocolate covered ants." It shuts them up, and some more astute people enjoy the pun.

9. If you do work for a company like this and choose to divulge something true (like I did), make it something benign and then breathe a sigh of relief because they aren't listening to you anyway.

10. 33 year old boobs still have magnetism!

11. Kitty cats throw you the best parties ever.

12. Buon Appetito on Holcombe has phenomenal food.

13. Learning Chinese has made me start to forget Italian. This saddens me.

14. Always, always, always request a hard copy of an invitation to an event. Never rely on word of mouth. You'll end up wearing a slinky tank and black pants to a formal Shriner's military ball when you thought you were going to a club to hear her husband's band play.

15. If you leave your fez in San Diego, never fear. Someone will invite you to a Shriner's Ball for your birthday.

16. No one, NO ONE can give evil elevator stares like the wives of Shriners.

17. At some point in life, it's time to reassess footwear. At the Shriner's Ball, one woman fell and twisted her ankle dancing the fox trot. Another fell and cracked open her skull sending blood down her dress like Steven King's Carrie. And, well unrelated to footwear, another man had a heart attack, causing them to have to break open the $7400 defibrillator that was donated to the center. He lived, btw.

18. Apparently, if you see a shriner wearing big MC Hammer type pants and a little arabian outfit and a big scimitar, you are (women only, please) supposed to pull open his pants and drop in a few dollar bills for charity. I was requested to do so. I declined saying that I only carry plastic.

19. Never decline saying that you only carry plastic. Shriner, who is most always a politician running for office, will ask you to use plastic online to donate to his campaign.

20. The Volcano will not allow you in if your ID is expired or if you left it at home.

Mild Kimday for all. I was supposed to go out again last night, but my tonsils kept me down. As it is right now, I'm taking a break from sleeping. Back to sleep now.

Still the size of a Brazil Nut

So my tonsils never went down, despite the allergy medication from the doc. And I've actually felt pretty run down for a few weeks, keeping Kimday pretty low key. Yesterday, I came home from work and felt the urgent need to take a nap. Crashed on the bed, woke up 4 hours later, and couldn't swallow. It felt like someone was slicing my throat apart.

Knocked out with Nyquil and wriggled my way into a doctor's appointment (really, it is a pain in the ass to get into a doc office), and a throat scraping later, I've got tonsillitis. Yippee.

So the Kimday posts will have to wait because I am too zonked to write. I've got my Odawalla and my Zpack and my FuFu Bunny (all staples for an illness), and I'm crawling into bed as soon as I hit publish post.

No Vault needed

A year ago I wrote this poem. Today I'm feeling just fine. I think I suffered more mental anguish yesterday than alcohol anguish. Seriously, though, the new Catbirds is evil, and I should not venture out there without my friends and chaperones. Darth was too busy at the real Catbirds, and 2shirts (in lame suburban fashion) was passing out candy at a coworker's house. Come on! You boys should be blocking me from the evils abounding in Clear Lake. It's an easy task now that Glinda, the greater evil, is not here to lure me into the "dorksided". ;-)

A shout out to Darth, though. He bought a new sith crib with hot tub and swanky pool. It's 1/2way between Clear Lake and the 'trose, so it might become the new new Catbirds for a future Kimday event.

Seriously, though, not all that excited about Halloween this year or Kimday. what the hell is wrong with me? I'm a curmudgeon.

Midlife Crisis?

Hopefully, I am not at midlife yet, but I am definitely having some sort of crisis. At first I thought it was just Restless Ass Syndrome. I get RAS from time to time and generally feel the need to move my ass to a different city, find my ass a new job, or change boyfriends. Sometimes it is simply cured by buying a new pair of pants. Sometimes not.

This, though, is something entirely different.

First of all, I've lost my normal exuberance for Kimday. Yes, I still advertise it the way you'd advertise that girl scout cookies will be for sale in February, but I'm not really into it this year. Last year, there were multiple celebrations in cities across the universe . Now I just feel blah. I guess once Santa comes to your birthday celebration, you've officially jumped the shark. Sigh.

So that's a travesty in and of itself. Then there's the issue of age. Age has never really bothered me because in the past, I've been kept from doing things because I'm too young but never because I was too old. Now I'm being told right and left that I can't do things. I don't even want to do these things, but I still can't. For instance, in every club bathroom, you always see flyers for people who want your eggs. I don't want to sell my eggs, but damnit, if I did want to, I couldn't. Apparently 32 is the cutoff point. If I don't sell my eggs within 24 days, they become null and void. This makes me want to run out and sell an egg, not because I want to but because in 24 days, I can't. I'm like the expired milk in my fridge. See? Crisis!

Then there's the air force. I don't want to join the air force. I'd lose my mind in the air force, but if I don't join within the next 2 years and 24 days, I can't ever join again. This upsets me. I don't know why.

Plus, I've jumped into new categories on surveys. The bastard little things put younger people in smaller categories: 18-21; 21-23; 23-25, etc. Where am I? 30-45. WTF? There is a distinct difference between 30 and 45, thank you very much. Hmph.
And I'm eeking on up there for medical stuff, too. Every commercial tells me that in 2 years and 24 days I'll be at greater risk for blah blah blah. It's like a little band of goblins are released from their cage inside your body when you hit 35, rendering you useless with every blow of their little green hands. In 2 years and 24 days, that will happen to me.

Plus, the number 33--how boring is that. Nothing happens at 33 except that the church killed Jesus, and if I keep working where I'm working much longer, the church might kill me, too.

Plus, in a week and 1 day, I have to run a marathon. What if it breaks open the goblin cage early? I'm so freaked out that I just keep eating junk food--strange junk food that I crave with a passion. Right now, for breakfast, I'm eating fritos and bean dip? WTF? Bean dip? Who eats bean dip? Who eats fritos for that matter? and I'm drinking a vitamin water. Eugh. The bean dip tastes better than that.

And I only ran 8 miles yesterday because we are tapering to save our bodies from exploding. I feel like a truck ran over me today. After running 18 miles, I can dance all night and wake up without a pain, but an 8 mile slacker run/walk did me in? Of course, the bottle of wine and mass quantities of fried food the night before probably didn't help. Still.

So Kimday approacheth, and I'll be in Cali running away from it. Blah.

Kimday Season is here

Yes, 1 month until Kimday. It's like when you go to the store in October, and they have all the Christmas decorations up already. You get that little giddy sensation inside and suddenly want to eat gingerbread men and dance under the mistletoe. That's sort of how I feel about the fact that Kimday Season has begun.

Sadly, not enough people put up decorations for Kimday, and in fact, I'm not sure what those decorations would even be. I need a brand--some sort of logo or image associated with this great holiday. I'm not sure what that would be. Perhaps a giant llama drinking a bottle of Don Eduardo tequila. Maybe a duck in comfy pjs eating cotton candy. Maybe the giant Zardoz head floating through the sky with an I love Kimday button between his brows.

Something to think about.