chaos theory, potato chips, and I think I need more rum

Really, I think if I had a job writing acrid blog posts all day, I'd be so happy. I'd be like the caustic Peggy Hill with her musings. Only mine would be morose, maudlin, melancholy musings and not redneck, ignorant ones. Anybody know someone that would hire me? I'd quit this PhD shit in a second!

Oh, Prax, my prof is from Jersey, and she told me tonight that I am not cynical enough for Jersey. LOL!

Ok but really, I love my theory class. Seriously, this place makes me crazy, but on Tuesday nights, that all fades away into this blissful 3 hour class. I LOVE this class. Tonight, for example, we mused about the possibility of multi-verses and about what our "other selves" are doing at this moment. Personally, my other self is perpetually drinking whiskey, even when my present self is drinking whiskey, and that posed a problem to the theory, but not to mine, so perhaps I should write my own theory. Cranky Theory. I've got to come up with a diagram, though, because all the best theories have diagrams. I think it would look like Hemingway.

But really, the thing I like about this program is that it is multi-disciplinary. We are learning so much from so many disciplines: art, architecture, physics, biology, chemistry, anthropology, sociology...the list goes on. tonight, for example, it was all about string theory and quantum mechanics with a dash of thermodynamics and field theory. It was the most fascinating discussion, especially since it is such a hard class that everyone dropped out. The dynamics are so different when there are only 2 people in the class. AAAA, I would quit this damn place in a second if it weren't for the classes. I love the classes. Brilliant!

So we left class all jazzed up as usual, and D and I headed out for the customary celebratory wings and beer. I got asked out but ruined it as always by making some stupid comment about age. Why can't I just leave it alone? So he's 23? Who cares? But I had to make some mention about the formula bc now that I had a birthday, 23 is too young. Why can't I just keep my damned mouth shut? Ah well, still got free drinks out of it. Love bartenders.

And the positive thinking shit, well, kinda worked. I mean, I know for a fact that Zach Braff has suddenly realized I exist and is going to look up housing in Lubbock tomorrow! And Agent Mulder, while not in this universe, is certainly alive and living next door to my doppelganger, so that's a plus. The french fry fairy left some tonight at the bar but forgot to leave me some money to pay for it. I'll have to think harder next time. And I did get an A on the paper from the prof who "never gives As" so that rocks!

So let's keep going with this shit. Ok, here goes:

1. The 49ers will win the next 20 superbowls.
2. The cubbies will suddenly produce a butterfly effect that will break the curse and win us the next world series.
3. I will stop mentioning my real age when people think I'm 22. Hell, tomorrow I will be 22 but with the brain of my real age.
4. The french fry fairy, who is married to the whiskey fairy, will pay a giant advanced tab for me at the Davenport for when I come back into H-Town.
5. The vacation fairy will leave me a plane ticket to somewhere civilized very soon.
6. The stunning man, who was checking me out at the bar tonight but just couldn't bring himself to talk to me because I was wasting my life talking to the 23 year old about the formula, will come talk to me tomorrow bc I am telling everyone it is my bday tomorrow bc I didn't get a decent enough Kimday this year.
7. Fence Rider will get a giant kick in the ass and will call me up and confess his soul.
8. I will kick Fence Rider in the ass. And then make love to him in every position possible on my roof in the middle of a storm while a raven sings in the background. (ok, there had to be some 19th centurty Gothic literature in there somewhere)
9. The stunning man will be jealous of the escapades on the roof and will profess his need to have my brilliant, genius mind, so I will give him that and give Fence Rider my doppelganger's body.
10. Someone will randomly send me Zardoz in the mail.

I'm eating potato chips--just so you don't think the title is a farce.

Crank Secret

You know, when you've done nothing but school work all weekend, you just sort of need to blabber on your blog. So, since I've moved to Lubbock, a multitude of weird things have happened, the latest being that someone mowed/trampled down my hedges in the middle of the night. How? I'm not sure. It looks like an elephant did it, but I digress.

So this girl in the program sees it and says, "You know, you really need to stop thinking that thing you are thinking." And what I'm thinking is: "How did that elephant get loose? There's no zoo here, and the circus isn't in town." And then it occurs to me that she doesn't mean that, but I'm not sure what she means so in a moment of lapsed thinking I mutter, "Um, what do you mean?" Sigh.

She then jumps into an evangelistic speech about The Secret. I'm not sure if you know about this book or movement or cult or whatever it is, but this woman bought it hook line and sinker--Worse: she's reading some endorsed version from her church. Ok, it's not that I'm against the whole law of attraction/self fulfilling prophesy thing. I mean, hell, I'm getting a phd in the psych dept, for crying out loud. It's just that when something is packaged together by the Dark Kings of Multimedia Dorkdom, I just can't swallow it. She does, however, and feels the need to tell me about it.

Apparently, I'm subconsciously or unconsciously thinking something negative (shocker!), and it's bringing elephants into my yard to sit on my hedges. It also causes the bureaucracy of academia to wreak its havoc, and it is responsible for my plants dying on my porch (not the fact that I haven't watered them in months). Her suggestion is that I start thinking positive thoughts, and they will magically come true.

So I put in some Garden State to help clear my mind of negativity (yuk yuk), and dear readers, here are my thoughts:

1. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really.
2. Agent Mulder is real, and he is going to move next door. And we will have coffee together and search for aliens when I'm not writing papers.
3. I believe in ice cream and french fry fairies, and one of them is going to bring me a special, scrumdiddlyumptous treat!
4. Mal Reynolds is real, and he is going to move across the street, and we will ride in his spaceship and smuggle bobbleheads.
5. Fuzzy bunnies. Nothing is happier than fuzzy bunnies.
6. Lubbock is going to suddenly orgasm with culture. tomorrow. yes, tomorrow.
7. The glass is half full. of really, really good wine.
8. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really. Oh wait, did I say that one?
9. Tomorrow, while I'm waiting on Zach Braff, I will meet a stunning man--well read, brilliant, a feminist, eyes I could bathe in, sexy hands, a dry wit, and will be somewhat random and slightly quirky. And he'll invite me to watch a marathon of Firefly while drinking Makers Mark in his giant library filled with 10,000 books that actually smells like a libary--sigh.
10. Then I'll have to choose between guy #9 and Zach Braff.

Shiny!