Crank Secret
You know, when you've done nothing but school work all weekend, you just sort of need to blabber on your blog. So, since I've moved to Lubbock, a multitude of weird things have happened, the latest being that someone mowed/trampled down my hedges in the middle of the night. How? I'm not sure. It looks like an elephant did it, but I digress.
So this girl in the program sees it and says, "You know, you really need to stop thinking that thing you are thinking." And what I'm thinking is: "How did that elephant get loose? There's no zoo here, and the circus isn't in town." And then it occurs to me that she doesn't mean that, but I'm not sure what she means so in a moment of lapsed thinking I mutter, "Um, what do you mean?" Sigh.
She then jumps into an evangelistic speech about The Secret. I'm not sure if you know about this book or movement or cult or whatever it is, but this woman bought it hook line and sinker--Worse: she's reading some endorsed version from her church. Ok, it's not that I'm against the whole law of attraction/self fulfilling prophesy thing. I mean, hell, I'm getting a phd in the psych dept, for crying out loud. It's just that when something is packaged together by the Dark Kings of Multimedia Dorkdom, I just can't swallow it. She does, however, and feels the need to tell me about it.
Apparently, I'm subconsciously or unconsciously thinking something negative (shocker!), and it's bringing elephants into my yard to sit on my hedges. It also causes the bureaucracy of academia to wreak its havoc, and it is responsible for my plants dying on my porch (not the fact that I haven't watered them in months). Her suggestion is that I start thinking positive thoughts, and they will magically come true.
So I put in some Garden State to help clear my mind of negativity (yuk yuk), and dear readers, here are my thoughts:
1. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really.
2. Agent Mulder is real, and he is going to move next door. And we will have coffee together and search for aliens when I'm not writing papers.
3. I believe in ice cream and french fry fairies, and one of them is going to bring me a special, scrumdiddlyumptous treat!
4. Mal Reynolds is real, and he is going to move across the street, and we will ride in his spaceship and smuggle bobbleheads.
5. Fuzzy bunnies. Nothing is happier than fuzzy bunnies.
6. Lubbock is going to suddenly orgasm with culture. tomorrow. yes, tomorrow.
7. The glass is half full. of really, really good wine.
8. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really. Oh wait, did I say that one?
9. Tomorrow, while I'm waiting on Zach Braff, I will meet a stunning man--well read, brilliant, a feminist, eyes I could bathe in, sexy hands, a dry wit, and will be somewhat random and slightly quirky. And he'll invite me to watch a marathon of Firefly while drinking Makers Mark in his giant library filled with 10,000 books that actually smells like a libary--sigh.
10. Then I'll have to choose between guy #9 and Zach Braff.
Shiny!
So this girl in the program sees it and says, "You know, you really need to stop thinking that thing you are thinking." And what I'm thinking is: "How did that elephant get loose? There's no zoo here, and the circus isn't in town." And then it occurs to me that she doesn't mean that, but I'm not sure what she means so in a moment of lapsed thinking I mutter, "Um, what do you mean?" Sigh.
She then jumps into an evangelistic speech about The Secret. I'm not sure if you know about this book or movement or cult or whatever it is, but this woman bought it hook line and sinker--Worse: she's reading some endorsed version from her church. Ok, it's not that I'm against the whole law of attraction/self fulfilling prophesy thing. I mean, hell, I'm getting a phd in the psych dept, for crying out loud. It's just that when something is packaged together by the Dark Kings of Multimedia Dorkdom, I just can't swallow it. She does, however, and feels the need to tell me about it.
Apparently, I'm subconsciously or unconsciously thinking something negative (shocker!), and it's bringing elephants into my yard to sit on my hedges. It also causes the bureaucracy of academia to wreak its havoc, and it is responsible for my plants dying on my porch (not the fact that I haven't watered them in months). Her suggestion is that I start thinking positive thoughts, and they will magically come true.
So I put in some Garden State to help clear my mind of negativity (yuk yuk), and dear readers, here are my thoughts:
1. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really.
2. Agent Mulder is real, and he is going to move next door. And we will have coffee together and search for aliens when I'm not writing papers.
3. I believe in ice cream and french fry fairies, and one of them is going to bring me a special, scrumdiddlyumptous treat!
4. Mal Reynolds is real, and he is going to move across the street, and we will ride in his spaceship and smuggle bobbleheads.
5. Fuzzy bunnies. Nothing is happier than fuzzy bunnies.
6. Lubbock is going to suddenly orgasm with culture. tomorrow. yes, tomorrow.
7. The glass is half full. of really, really good wine.
8. Zach Braff will stop whatever he is doing RIGHT NOW and realize, without even meeting me, that I exist and that he wants me with body, mind, and soul. or body. or any of the three really. Oh wait, did I say that one?
9. Tomorrow, while I'm waiting on Zach Braff, I will meet a stunning man--well read, brilliant, a feminist, eyes I could bathe in, sexy hands, a dry wit, and will be somewhat random and slightly quirky. And he'll invite me to watch a marathon of Firefly while drinking Makers Mark in his giant library filled with 10,000 books that actually smells like a libary--sigh.
10. Then I'll have to choose between guy #9 and Zach Braff.
Shiny!
Labels: firefly, garden state, happy thoughts, secret, zach braff
posted by Cranky at 9:51 PM
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