Kimday Day 1: Cast Iron Stomachs and Livers

Yes, I'm posting at 2 am, post Pig Stand, post Devilport.

The Praxis arrived at 3, and we had a little celebratory drink at the IAH bar. Nothing like a 14 oz White Russian to start the day. Then we headed to Empire so that I could do some work, but alas, there is no Wifi there.

Next was the Pig Stand. Dear God! That was NASTY! My apologies for ever suggesting it. I still have road rash on my soft palate from the club sandwich. Then it was off to the Devilport. Praxis downed martinis like they were shots.

Here's the thing. Glinda and I think that we conquered the Devilport, but really, I think that it conquered us, in a way. G was going to skip drinking, and instead she had 6 martinis. After the first drink, she said, "I'm only going to drink whiskey." Her second drink was a vodka and grapefruit. Yeah, whiskey. Score 1 for the D. Score 5 more for each additional vodka grapefruits. Davenport 6, Kimday 0

Gordie wasn't going to drink at all. About 30 min in, she succombed to the power of the D, ordering her first martini--a white one. Then, she downed that one and drank half of another. Davenport 7.5, Kimday 0

Edgy: Edgy fell asleep at the D. That counts for at least 1.5. Davenport 9, Kimday 0

Jake the Snake: He drank a drink called Jonestown Koolaid and then mixed it up with Scotch. this is significant since Jake always berates people who drink anything else on a night of scotch. Davenport 10, Kimday 0.

Me: the big D caused me to consume mass quantities of food that really suck. Davenport 11, Kimday 0.

The Praxis--unbelievable amounts of liquor leads to slight stumbling to the car, then inability to talk in the restaurant afterwards, leaving me to argue the liberal side of things to 2 crazy drunken Neo Cons, and then inability to get out of the car. After being half carried up the steps and drinking 2 glasses of milk, he says, "Yeah, I think the Devilport got me." Davenport 25, Kimday 0

Who won? I'll let you judge, especially after you hear the highlights:

• coloring at the Pig Stand
• me taking a work phonecall while everyone else talks about my ass and vag
• the waitress--what the hell was she?
  
• how long does it take to make a black cow?
• consuming a 1/2 bottle of ketchup bc the food is so bad
• discovering the cure for hiccups--club soda and 2 limes
• tamales
• Latin American Hindis
• adding a new log to the fireplace
• burning a penis in effigy
• pulling down our pants (practicing for when Don Ed has his year next year)
• many many quotes which will have to wait until tomorrow bc I can't remember them now