Cupids, and Pixies, and Nessie, Oh MY!

Just sitting here at the coffee shop, brain completely melted from sifting through and coding qualitative interviews that mean nothing to me in terms of a dissertation. Just pays the bills. For awhile, I was able to half-ass listen to a convo about various poets, making me wish I was back in the English department--sigh. The choices we make...

Now the tie to my literary past is gone, and I am left with nothing but thoughts of mythical creatures: gorgyles, leprechauns, slykicks, unicorns, big headed babies. This came about because next to me, there are three people sitting abreast on a couch drinking nothing, saying nothing, and simply staring at a sleeping baby with a look of prozaced bliss on their faces. Seriously, they look like Medusa sneaked up behind them and turned them to stone with this look on their face. I'm ok with it and all, but you're taking up a couch, dude. Then again, I'm taking up a table writing about them, so I guess I'd better get back to coding. At least I'm drinking coffee!

I've got another refill coming on my coffee, or I'd just leave. Please, gods above, grant me something interesting to watch or talk to.

ah god the bhb

Just spent an entire minute laughing at her pic. Still can't link it. Just can't. It's just not right.

Nothin' Ever Happens on Mars--er--Lubbock

Remember the good ole days when I used to post fantastically funny things that happened to me. Remember the rants about my job and the big headed baby? [Ah God, Glinda, I seriously almost linked to your flickr photo of her, but my inner angel just couldn't let me do it].

Remember the awesome parties and nights out at the devilport? That just doesn't happen anymore. And it's not like I've lost my cynicism or caustic wit (no, certainly not that). It's just that nothing freakin' happens here. You would think that somewhere in this town something funny would happen. I got nuttin'.

Perhaps it has a bit to do with the fact that I NEVER EVER EVER STOP WRITING FUCKING PAPERS AND TAKING FUCKING MIDTERMS. Yeah, it might have something to do with that. Jeez, I need a freakin' vacation.

Mmm, well there was that guy, a nicely dressed MBA type--should've been my first sign to stay away, who bought me a beer and then asked me what lotion I was wearing. I said that it was perfume, actu... And then he interrupted me and said, "Well I hope it's not Bath and Body Works bc I don't like to use that. Don't you have anything tingly in your purse?" Keep in mind, we're at a bar, and I just met him. This leads to him making other requests about watching him masturbate when I'm luckily saved by my friends. Yeah, see, there was a time when I could make even that funny, but here, no, it's just fucking creepy because it's fucking LUBBOCK!

Ok folks, goal for the weekend--I will find something funny to write about. It's all perspective. Yes, I will triumph!

3 posts = a charm

I can't help it. [wow, now if you hit shift on my keyboard it types everything in bold face--cool]. I have to write about the big headed baby. Every freakin day this cephalopod [though a sweet one] screams bloody murder. I don't know what her big butted parents do to piss this kid off, but damn, she has one huge set of lungs. Geez.

ok, and I know it's mean to call her big headed, but now the name refers more to the largeness of her presence than the actual size of her head [tho, I'd bet she's still in the 99th percentile there]. and even more convicting is that my beef is sooo not with this little girl. I actually think the kid is funny, especially when she spouts off fluent spanish and calls her nanny, mama [lily white parents can't speak spanish at all, btw]. I just despise her parents. Maybe I should change her name to the kid formerly known as the big headed baby. Yeah, the KFKABHB. I can come up with a cool little symbol for her and everything. Actually, Prax, can you work on that one, too, while you're inventing the fencerider? ;)

Tag, nobody's it!

Ok, I'm trying to follow the rules of the game, so I will list 5 pleasing things that I really feel guilty about:

• Showing people the big headed baby picture--I feel really bad about laughing at it because the poor baby can't help it, and god knows I have enough about myself to laugh about for centuries. Still, damnit, that's a big headed baby.
• my blog--I love blogging, but I do feel guilty for some of the scathing entries
• American Idol--I feel bad when I laugh at Simon's comments, but some of them are fucking hilarious--like when he told the guy that he looked like the wife of Hulk. That still kills me.
• filet mignon--I love it, but I can't help but cry over the little animals. Luckily, I hardly ever eat it because I'm allergic to beef.
• when I do...living away from Texas, but I do feel guilty that I'm not close to my parents in case of emergency

Whew! That was hard because I generally don't feel guilty over pleasures. I don't have anyone to tag because no one untagged reads my blog.

They've got my ovaries in their hands and other snappy tunes

So we all know that I have to take these ridiculous education classes for the job that I hate that I'm going to quit. If I don't take them, I will be illegally hired and will owe somebody somewhere money for the entire year.

The total bill with $750 worth of fees for things that I won't use because I don't live on campus is about $2500. Now, I'm paying in installments of 3 so there's a $15 charge. I can live with that. What I can't handle is that to pay by credit card or check (and they won't take Visa or a Visa check card), I have to pay a 1.76% fee for EACH installment. It comes out to roughly $15 per installment. Therefore, I am paying $60 in fees for no good reason. I mean, who the fuck has $880 in cash lying around? Plus, I don't think they take cash, so they are just charging a manditory fee to everyone in the whole fucking school.

In addition to that, the books come out to $300. $2800 for 2 fucking piece of shit classes that I can't fucking stand.

Did I also mention that PISD took MLK day away from us because of Rita? WTF are they thinking? 1/2 the student body is boycotting (1/4 for good reason; the others just to skip). Oh, btw, the state of TX said that we didn't have to make up those days, but PISD feels it's important. AND they are talking about making students go back to school on Aug 3 next year with teachers having a week's worth of inservices beforehand. Freshman teachers have to go back a week earlier because they want the freshmen to come back to school a week early to learn the ropes and get ahead.

Oh, and did I mention that next year SpEd classes are no more? They are making all students mainstream and mandating that SpEd students take the TAKS exam with the other students, with teachers accountable for their scores. That's got the whole teaching body in an uproar.

In the news today, a huge discussion on the radio about HISD giving raises only to teachers whose students do well on the TAKS. The host says that it's only fair since corporations make their managers accountable for their employees' output. One statment to that: Corporations can fire their employees for being lazy little fuckers with no motivation except to kill each other and snort sudafed. They also have drug testing, which can result in firing. What do we have?

well, I have to now workout because I've eaten 200 million Victorian Tea Cookies (class project and they all stole the recipe from one person and made the same damn thing). Then I have to go to a birthday party which i would rant about but it would be better read after the fact. plus, the big headed baby, as fucking usual, is crying her big bulging eyes out, and I can't think. Glinda has the photo. I"m too guilty to upload it. I feel like I'll become impregnated with some parasitic big headed freakshow as karmic bitchslapping.

Could I BE more caustic?

Godsmack Rox

I just worked out to my Cranky Mix, a gift from Glinda. There's nothing like screaming Godsmack at the top of your lungs while pumping out all of those endorphins. I think I disturbed the big headed baby, though.

I know you're in suspense

The birthday eve gift has been opened: Williams Sonoma's pumpkin pancake mix and sweet creme crepe mix. Breakfast is served.

Why am I up so early on a Saturday? Why, it's because I'm up this early every Saturday. The big headed baby loves to start crying at 5:30 every Saturday, and Mama/Papa Cass don't get their big asses out of bed to come do anything about it. She won't stop crying until they do. I swear she is the "most cryingest" baby I've ever seen. Comes with the big head, I guess.

Well wait, that's not fair. Sometimes they do come out at 7 and start playing her little fucking mobile or whatever, and she'll stop about an hour into it. It always starts off the same way: ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding (for those of you who are musically inclined, it's do sol do sol do sol do sol). Then for the exciting part. I never know which innane song is going to come next. It could be "If you're happy and you know it" or "This Old Man" or "The Wheels on the MFing Bus Go Round and Round" or any number of obnoxious tunes that miraculously start with do sol.

What ever happened to Chipmunk Rock?

Regardless, it enabled me to get up and eat my crepes. now I need to find the paper I bought that will print out iron on transfers from your computer. I want to make a shirt that says: "It's my birthday (replaced by a cake) on the front and "Buy me a shot" on the back.