Whatever happened to the Mertzes and the Ricardos?
I hate yuppies. I really do, and Texas yuppies are the worst. Mealymouthed mammaboy fuckwits driving a 30k beamer and pretending it's 60 and their anorexic creditcard addict soccermom desperate housewives carting around their anemic pasty faced little bastard children whom they dress up like Madame Alexander dolls with long sleeves and plaid miniskirts in the middle of 103 degree summer--the worst part being that they are from Texas so when they come over to bitch you out, they do it in the little yellow package of sweetness. Fuckers.
So the story actually begins months ago upon our move in when we put our boxes out for heavy trash but due to a holiday we missed a day. A lady came by and asked if she could have our boxes. I told her yes, please do. Not a second passed when our nosy ass downstairs neighbor who looks like Mama Cass if she tried to go Visible Changes, pokes her head and her big headed baby's melon out to scream, "Yes, please take it. I'm sick of advertising that we have white trash moving in." Well, I retorted with a big fat killer party with kareoke until 3 am, so round 1 was over.
Since then she's tried to get the whole neighborhood to shun the new white trash neighbors. Everytime they're out on their lawn with their little ashen children jumping on stacked up lawn furniture until it falls (a favorite to do on Saturday mornings in their little minidresses while the parents look on), they make comments about us. I'm always walking by and inevitably, I hear, "Shhh...speak of the devil," and then they all grin their little Stepford smiles and say, "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." Gag. And I can't tell you how many times she says, "You're a teacher, right? Hmmm...isn't that nice." I mean, she's in retail and he's a restaurant manager, isn't that nice? Who the fuck cares?
It got so bad that when I saw the pallid child next door (not the Mamma cass house but the one owned by a mommasboy and an anorexic bitch) in her Halloween costume and said, "oh, are you sleeping beauty?" the bitch said, "Uh...god, she's Cinderella, please" and picked her up and took her inside.
now the preface for the next story. Our lease prohibits us from using both the garage (which is falling down anyway) and the driveway. we are on street parkers on a street with not much parking, plus there's a fire hydrant right in front of our house.
So tonight, mommasboy comes over and requests that Edgy not park in his guest parking area. Stunned, having just come home from seeing his mom in CCU, he looks at him and says, "Guest parking?" The guy proceeds to tell him that the space in front of his house is reserved for his guest parking and he would like E to move his car so that he can park his car there. Edge neglects to say, "Well, if it is guest parking, then why do you want your own car there," which is what I would've said, but I digress.
he tells E that he should park in the space in front of my car. E explains that he doesn't because there's a fire hydrant there. Mammasboy says, "So?" So, E educates clueless about how the law prohibits one to park in front of a firehydrant. The guy retorts, "Why is that? They park in the street anyway. So park in front of someone else's house then" Futile argument, so E, tired at this point, says, "Would you like me to move it now?" Guy says, "No, I guess I can park in my driveway tonight, but from now on I want you to park somewhere else. We have guests from time to time, and the only other parking space open is the one across the street from my house, and I don't want to have to walk that far. I do own, you know, not rent. " Why in the hell E didn't tell the guy that the street is public, I don't know, but I swear to god the pallid no hair having whiny ass little jagoff had better not ever see me bc I'll tear him a new one for his mother to wipe.
Thing is, when E came home his wife was pulling into her 2 car GARAGE and glared at E. E waved and said hi and she, like she always does, stuck her nose up in the air and ran inside. Not 10 minutes later, at 8:40, btw, he comes crawling over. Who does that?
So the story actually begins months ago upon our move in when we put our boxes out for heavy trash but due to a holiday we missed a day. A lady came by and asked if she could have our boxes. I told her yes, please do. Not a second passed when our nosy ass downstairs neighbor who looks like Mama Cass if she tried to go Visible Changes, pokes her head and her big headed baby's melon out to scream, "Yes, please take it. I'm sick of advertising that we have white trash moving in." Well, I retorted with a big fat killer party with kareoke until 3 am, so round 1 was over.
Since then she's tried to get the whole neighborhood to shun the new white trash neighbors. Everytime they're out on their lawn with their little ashen children jumping on stacked up lawn furniture until it falls (a favorite to do on Saturday mornings in their little minidresses while the parents look on), they make comments about us. I'm always walking by and inevitably, I hear, "Shhh...speak of the devil," and then they all grin their little Stepford smiles and say, "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." Gag. And I can't tell you how many times she says, "You're a teacher, right? Hmmm...isn't that nice." I mean, she's in retail and he's a restaurant manager, isn't that nice? Who the fuck cares?
It got so bad that when I saw the pallid child next door (not the Mamma cass house but the one owned by a mommasboy and an anorexic bitch) in her Halloween costume and said, "oh, are you sleeping beauty?" the bitch said, "Uh...god, she's Cinderella, please" and picked her up and took her inside.
now the preface for the next story. Our lease prohibits us from using both the garage (which is falling down anyway) and the driveway. we are on street parkers on a street with not much parking, plus there's a fire hydrant right in front of our house.
So tonight, mommasboy comes over and requests that Edgy not park in his guest parking area. Stunned, having just come home from seeing his mom in CCU, he looks at him and says, "Guest parking?" The guy proceeds to tell him that the space in front of his house is reserved for his guest parking and he would like E to move his car so that he can park his car there. Edge neglects to say, "Well, if it is guest parking, then why do you want your own car there," which is what I would've said, but I digress.
he tells E that he should park in the space in front of my car. E explains that he doesn't because there's a fire hydrant there. Mammasboy says, "So?" So, E educates clueless about how the law prohibits one to park in front of a firehydrant. The guy retorts, "Why is that? They park in the street anyway. So park in front of someone else's house then" Futile argument, so E, tired at this point, says, "Would you like me to move it now?" Guy says, "No, I guess I can park in my driveway tonight, but from now on I want you to park somewhere else. We have guests from time to time, and the only other parking space open is the one across the street from my house, and I don't want to have to walk that far. I do own, you know, not rent. " Why in the hell E didn't tell the guy that the street is public, I don't know, but I swear to god the pallid no hair having whiny ass little jagoff had better not ever see me bc I'll tear him a new one for his mother to wipe.
Thing is, when E came home his wife was pulling into her 2 car GARAGE and glared at E. E waved and said hi and she, like she always does, stuck her nose up in the air and ran inside. Not 10 minutes later, at 8:40, btw, he comes crawling over. Who does that?
Labels: rant, yuppie pricks
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