Random Rant

Clear Lake people don't make any sense. Their kids can have hot dogs, but they can't eat donuts. They can eat icing out of a can, but velveeta is out of the question. They gobble down sausage kolaches with cheese after church but ask if the fries and nachos are trans fat free at the local burger joint. Their kids can go to soccer, dance, baseball, gymnastics, cheerleading, and music class all in one day, but they must be in bed by 8. Their 6 year old kids can get highlights and trips to the tanning salon, but diet soda is too artificial. They don't drink alcohol or coffee but pound red bulls like they are going out of style.

Everything is overdone, too. They don't go on a bike ride. They train for the MS150 (no offense for those who have done the MS150, but you'll see my point in a minute). They don't take a vacation. They bike across America or drive behind someone who bikes across America. They don't go out dancing. They compete in the PBS ballroom competition. They don't take a little motorboat out on the lake. They do a regatta. It's unbelievable. They don't buy a TV. They buy a home theater. They don't buy a sedan. They buy an Escalade. They don't buy a 20 oz. bottle of water at the store. They buy a day's supply in one bottle. It's like Overachievers Anonymous.

On the other hand, they downplay everything. The MS150 is "a little bike ride." Their kids are in " a little play." A woman actually referred to her Ford ranger as cute. Their 7 br houses are "little, you know, a starter home."

And they're uber tall. The women, on average, are 5' 10" with size 9 1/2 shoes. They actually refer to me as a short person. Their kids are almost my height (5'7") in 4th grade and are wearing my shoe size by 3rd. Maybe that's why everything seems so diminutive to them.

I leave there feeling like I took a shot of adrenaline. In fact, right now I've eaten an entire bunch of grapes and half a box of organic "Purely O's." I can't stop shoving health food in my mouth. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!