TwoShirts is 30!

TwoShirts celebrated his 30th in dorksided decadence in Austin this weekend. Edgy and I rang in his 30th anniversary with the student, Panchette, BCL and TS' cousin. Here are 30 highlights from the event:

1. Get to the hotel.
   
2. E and I work out, make out, nap out
3. CABLE!!!! (We don't have it at home); 36 hour marathon of The Jeffersons. I was in heaven! Watched for about 4 hours.
   
4. Dinner at Dona Emilias (which made Don Eduardo very very happy)--South American food at its finest. The staff was about 12 years old and a little snooty (told us we had to be out by 8), but the cuisine was phenomenal. E and I had the plantain crusted halibut; TS had steak and the most fantastic mashed potatoes (but I think that the Red Lion still tops them); the student had potato pancakes of sorts; BCL and Panchette had the crabcakes. I sampled them all, and they were all great. Top that off with 2 pitchers of mojitos and a chocolate torte with Amy's ice cream--yum!
5. From there, Panchette turns onto a couple of one way streets and then we jump out of a rolling car, but 5 of us made it to 6th street for a piano bar.
6. Piano Bar by numbers: 2--number of inches we sat away from the piano; 14--the number of times I was teased by the piano man for liking Barry Manilow (but he knew the words to all the songs); 43--the number of drinks we consumed together (unless you count the double red headed sluts as 2); 7--the number of little dirty secrets revealed to strangers by the student; 1--the number of times TS' cousin smiled
7. I won a singing contest, the final song being unfamiliar to me so I sang "Funky Winkerbean" for all the lyrics. What did I win? A giant all liquor blue concoction that burned the entire way down.
8. To hear the rest of the piano bar's events, you'll have to take me to dinner.
9. Cab Ride--this was like something off of Taxi Cab Confessions; If you want to hear more, you'll have to take me out for coffee after dinner. All I know is that we left that poor man a very good tip
   
10. Denny's--fork throwing, emotional outbursts, crying jags, uninhibited laughing--remember the party scene from Breakfast at Tiffany's? This was the sitting down version. For details, I need a cookie with my coffee, but not until this weekend because I'm on a detox until then
    
11. Finally, 3 of us are sobered up from some damn good greasy food. TS got a giant chicken fried steak. That could sober up anyone. Huevos con papas for me. That always does the trick.
    
12. Betty and the cousin had gone home long before Denny's, and the student, well, she's not quite sober yet. In fact, she's not quite just drunk yet. She's still on the sloshed side, so we walk over to the Exxon and pick up some water and gum.
13. We get to the hotel, and some maintenance man tells us we're too loud, so I ask him if he thinks that the big tree in front looks like Don King. He says yes. End of bitching.
14. James and I both notice that we left our toiletry bags in Houston, so off to Walmart to get toothbrushes. Two ghetto fab Austinites were in the "check yourself out" section buying 3 cases of strawberry soda, 4 or 5 cases of Little Debbies, 4 loaves of white bread, and a case of chicken ramen noodles. Methinks they had the munchies, especially since they were having a very tough time getting the ramens to ring up. WAWA!
    
15. Forgot toothpaste.
16. Next AM--E and I wake up at 7am to the alarm clock of yip yap dogs, screaming kids and domestic disputes.
    
17. Edgy, hungover, rolls over: "Oh god. I think the gorgyles got me."
18. After about 45 min of noise, we say f*Ck it and head off to the free breakfast buffet.
19. BACON!!!!
20. Call from TS--Um, can we borrow your toothpaste?
21. Lunch at the loudest, most "neonest" place in town. Sooooooo not good for hangovers.
22. Waiter had some issues. TS, "I think he's about to go Boyz in the Hood on our asses."
23. TS and student leave in search of the world's smallest Catholic Church
24. E and I head to the hills for hiking and hanging with BCL at her new place
25. TS and student arrive home; at this point E and I are still celebrating with margaritas and food at Z Tejas grill--crab stuffed chicken and fudge pie MMMMMM
    
26. Long urban hike down SoCo and great conversation
    
27. Crash at 8:30 watching If These Walls Could Talk on HGTV
28. Like clockwork: 7:30 am dog, kid, dispute alarm
29. Head to breakfast; Surrounded by mormons, all dressed alike, named Mercy and Miracle and Faithfulness, and Goody, and all the boys named John. All with the book of Mormon, laying hands on people and praying and singing. Even people sitting by themselves would just start singing to themselves. The head patriarch was preaching about how the leader in the news was getting a bad rap. Apparently there was some sort of convention or rally. I just wanted some bacon.
30. Coffee at a place with a sign that said "Caffeine Dealer." Hung out with BCL a bit and then home for the longest trip ever because E took a wrong turn, but it ended up all good because we found I-10 (told you we took a wrong turn), which led us to Franks, the home of the greatest coconut pie in 50 states.

That, my friends, was TS's 30th. More embarrassment to TS will only come with a food bribe.