omg

I was so blinded by my first naked woman boob, that I forgot to mention the other weird parts of the night.

Some man commented on my "cute Bambi ass." Apparently, he could see the woodland creatures huddling underneath it.

Another said it was sexy that I would come to a bar with a "natural look," codeword for homely.

Another said that he was a contortionist and would gladly hide in my carry on bag for my trip to Cali.

Another said he just wanted to be my friend and in the same breath asked if friendship to me meant that we would have sex.

Another argued (I use that term loosely bc I barely argued) with me over the exact age Jesus was when he died. He looked it up on his I phone.

And then, a man asked me to save his seat at the bar, and handed me a condom for collateral. It was purple.