Dissed at PISD

So today I had to attend a new teacher orientation for 6 hours. Funny, not only am I not a new teacher, but I sat through the identical damn orientation last year. They made me take it again because I quit and got rehired. Positives: Starbucks coffee (a first for PISD) and chocolate chocolate chip poundcake; a free coffee mug (It's ugly and contained some goofy metaphor comparing teaching to stirring coffee or something, but it's free nonetheless); a highlighter with post it flags inside; a zipper bag of candy (ruined by the fact that we are supposed to use it as a mnemonic device to remember to "snicker" when life gives us problems and get the help of our "3 musketeer" coteachers when we need advice in our "crunch" times. They are "lifesavers." Oh and the best one was about relating kids to m&m's, but that one is funnier said in person.) ; 3 books, which are worthless, but I have a book obsession, so I just love getting them; finding out that TX does have some sort of grievance system for teachers even though they won't allow unions; and rainbow sherbet with the little wooden spoon. Negatives: It was the SAME DAMN thing as last year, except last year the theme was nuts, and this year it was coffee (starbucks is much better than a nut cup); free calendars (you would think that this would be a good thing, but they had little dancing pumpkins and the ABC's on them. I can't put that up in my room. still better than nut cups, though); the name badges and name tents, which had bright smiley faces on them and the little lines that used to be on Big Chief tablets so that you could write your name correctly; the 2 hour get to know you session where we filled out 2 page questionnaires about our favorite color and dream pet and then had to introduce our "neighbor" trying to remember everything on her sheet, which prompted a woman to tell about her breech birth in detail; Tom, my new colleague from Santa Fe who looked like Bill Nye the science guy and who never freakin' stopped talking about himself and about how he could be my father throughout the entire session ; a pack of lavender pens to grade with; the "bye bye" sheets at the end, where we had to write 3 things we learned and had to have them approved by the leader before we could leave and get credit for the 6 hours. Funniest moments: the fact that I won a doorprize which was later revoked because I came back 30 seconds late from break. They actually took it away and took my name out of the hat for future drawings; the facilitator walking up to Tom while she was passing out our pictures for our stupid questionnaire sheets and saying, "Oh, I didn't recognize you. You look 20 years older and very bloated in this photo;" the facilitator teaching us to use a color coded system for folders in our classroom and a girl in the back saying, "Well, what if one of us is color blind, or what if our students are color blind?," and then the facilitator laughing hysterically until she realized that the girl wasn't kidding; the discussion of banned books in the classroom and about how[exact quote] "due to the fact that some of our schools touch the Bible belt, we should get permission slips from all members of the family (incl. grandparents) and do a write up for every book we use;" the subsequent discussion of To Kill a Mockingbird , The Outsiders, & Forever (too long to write); and finally, the request that we start including picture books like "If you give a Mouse a Cookie" in our high school class curriculum because they help students with the concept of visual literacy and because it allows the students to enjoy reading because they don't have to think about what the words mean (and then she read it to us along with a chapter from some chicken soup book that left everyone bawling and grasping for kleenexes, and I'm still not sure what was so damn heartwrenching). That's it, but I have another 2 weeks of it, so stay tuned for more "The Dumb and the Witless."