Grotesque ode to Aldrich, King, and Monty Python

Photo from http://my.execpc.com/~reva/babyjfotos.htm

Our story starts on a dark staircase. Wine in hand, we ascend the steps of what seems to be the location of a dinner party. Little do we know, insanity lurks in every shadowed corner. A troll, the bridge keeper of sorts, accosts us: "What is your name? What is your quest?" Glinda, like Lancelot, brings forth the Holy Malbec, and with, "Right, off you go," the bridge keeper troll lets her through. Edgy and I, however, are stopped by the troll with the same questions. I point at the Holy Malbec, and she grunts, "Are there two other bottles in that bag?" I nod: "African and European". "Fine," she utters with a suspicious bulging of the eyes.

Next, we enter the house, cryptic and twisted. Our host, though amiable, leads us to her secret chamber, the clown room. Pictures of clowns adorn the walls--tramps with hollowed sockets, circus performers with faces melting in LSD illumination, tiny clowns suspended from the air in cords or smashed beneath endtable glass, their lipsticked mouths dissolving. I could feel Pennywise's breath on the nape of my neck.

We return to the staircase. The troll emerges from the fog with more questions, "Where did you spend your first 7 years of life? Why don't you have an accent?" I made the mistake of telling her that my grammar school was parochial and that they beat the accent out of me. "How dare you profane this place with your presence! " She turns to Glinda, before ejecting me from the bridge: "Are you responsible for these two?" Glinda nods, as Lancelot would, "In truth, yes." "And you," she turns to Edgy, "What are you?"
"My accessory," I chide.
"A permanent one?"
"Well, ye.."
"NOTHING IS PERMANENT!"
"Well, hello sunshine" [Glinda's first verbal mistake].
"I'm only telling the truth," the troll growls, "I only speak the truth. I have impulse control issues."
"So thaaaats what it's called." [Glinda's second verbal blunder].
"It is. I'm a shrink, and I have impulse control issues. Always have. It's what I do."

It's at this point, I motion Glinda into the other room, and she turns to the troll with foot in mouth, "We're going to get something to drink." The troll glares at her, "I understand." As I look back, before she turns to engage Edgy in conversation, I distinctly see her painting her lips in a circular motion. "I'm Mama's little devil." Yes, yuh aaah, troll, yuh aaah!