My Precious

It began with the baking of the damn things. Three were Thin Mints--sweet, delicate, and fairest of all cookies. Seven were Samoas or as they are currently dubbed, Caramel Delites, the hearty coconut and chocolate creations. And nine, nine were peanut butter patties which were given to my friends because I don't like them. They look like ordinary cookies, and they don't even taste that good, really, so you'd think you'd have the strength and will to govern over them.

But we are all deceived. In the land of Girl Scouts, in the fires of th GS ovens, the Dark Lord Brownie baked in secret master cookies to control all others. And into these cookies, he poured all his gluttony, his marketing skills, and his will to dominate all life. One cookie to rule them all.

One by one, the free peoples of Earth fell to the power of the GS cookies, but there were some who resisted....until, when chance came, the cookie ensnared another eater. The cookies came to the creature, Cranky, who took the box deep into the tunnels under the Montrose Duplex, and there it consumed her. The cookies gave Cranky unnaturally bizarre cravings. For 5 weeks, they poisoned her mind.

We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precious.

[My apologies to Tolkien and the GS council]