Oh holy hell

I just figured out where I live

Bless their little hearts

Someone told me that here in West Texas, if you say those words, it negates anything negative that precedes it. For example, "Lubbock is the land of inbred crack babies, bless their little hearts." To me, it doesn't really work, but I'm gonna use it for the title of this post anyway.

I quit making New Years Resolutions years ago and just started naming them after body parts (The year of the boobs, the year of Don Eduardo, etc.). Anyway, the reason I don't make resolutions is because I tend to evaluate my life continually and because my resolutions tend to be the same: stop living balls out forward toward the future and embrace the present, try to enjoy the place you are living right now, etc. And today I tried. I tried to live in the present and embrace the city of Lubbock. I got dressed up and took myself out on a date. This date was planned to be dinner, a leisurely stroll through the bookstore for a few hours, and perhaps a stop to rent an artsy movie (no, I don't have netflix--though I may invest in it now). Instead, here is what happened.

I won't go into dinner but suffice it to say I ended up at a chain restaurant amidst a cacophony of people one might see in the merry old land of Oz. The food gave me heartburn, but I trudged on. Ah, the bookstore. You see, there are a few indigenous bookstores here in Lubbock but they close early and are very cramped, so browsing ends pretty quickly there. One actually has a sci fi reading room complete with action figures, which is awesome, but I digress. Anyway, tonight I went to the new Barnes and Noble. This thing is double decker, which is cool, one would think. Oh but in true Lubbock fashion, it so was not.

The place was crawling, infested with yokels and pubescent junior high kids making out in the stacks (the kids, not the yokels, thank god). It was like a roach motel for the inbred crack babies of Lubbock! But I, dear readers, pulled myself into a zenlike stupor and focused on the books. Now normally, I cannot leave a bookstore without spending around 50-75 bucks. I just can't. Call me stupid, but I can't. It's an addiction I have no desire to heal from. And time stops in a bookstore. I'm there for a min of about 3 hours. Tonight, 20 min.

The bottom floor was filled with games and calendars and a nice cafe, actually. I think the business section was there, and the music section, as well. Plus there were the multitudes of endcaps filled with bargain books and features. To my dismay, these were horrid. The bargain books were all democratic party biographies (JFK, Obama), whereas the featured book section involved rows and rows of books written by Mike Huckabee!!! I ran upstairs. They have a giant kid and teen section and half of the upstairs is taken up with a homeschooling resource center! Then the other half contains 2 shelving units of test prep, 4 shelving units of fiction and literature(of which Stephen King and Dean Koontz are a part), one shelf of "Spirituality" which is anything non-Christian, and the rest Christian literature.

It was insane. 4 bookshelves of fiction and literature??? I thought I was seeing things. I actually walked around again to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. This is our bookstore??? This is our fantabulous 2 story bookstore? Oh god. They've closed down all the libraries in town (except 1 which has limited hours), and this is our bookstore!?

So I left to hit Blockbuster which has everything in boxes because they are closing. They won't rent anything, so I bought Sunshine Cleaning. I hope it's good.

God help me. Bless their little hearts.

Dear Crabby

I woke up this morning to 14 degree temps, and I'm ok with that for the most part. There's something in me that likes winter temps, as long as I don't have to stay out in it for long. I like the nippiness in the air as you walk to the bus, etc. But if it is going to be this cold, I would so much rather be in Chicago, and so I'm feeling a little nostalgic for the Windy City today.

This is further exacerbated by the fact that I pulled up my FB page and saw the morning pictures and loveliness from my friend who lives there. This friend is brilliant, masters in lit from NWestern, etc. She's a stay at home (home=lovely brownstone in the city) mom now, tho staying at home isn't quite the term for her. Anyway, she's one of these creative types who makes her children frocks (yes she calls them frocks), and bakes all sorts of bread, and eats green smoothies made from produce she gets from the farmer's market. Now, none of that part of her life sounds appealing to be, simply because it doesn't mesh with my personality (I am sure you are surprised). I truly admire these men and women who can their own jelly and stuff, but I just don't have the patience for it.

Nevertheless, today she posts a picture of a gorgeous coffee cup, two buttery blueberry scones, the New York Times, her kindle, and a writing journal. The title: first coffee shop visit of 2010. You see, she does this ritual nearly every day, taking pictures of coffee and blueberries, coffee and fritters, etc. And I KNOW the coffee shops she's visiting--love them! Sigh. And so I feel this mixture of happiness and intense jealousy that she is sitting at MY coffee shops with time on her hands to read a novel, write, etc.

And so I'm examining this jealousy, and I think to myself that I could get up earlier, start my run earlier, and then go sit at a coffee shop a few hours before classes. The luxury of a student is that we could do such things, and I should take advantage of it. The negatives, however, are ones I'm trying to get over (and maybe you all can help): There are only 6 coffee shops in town. One is a starbucks in the bookstore on campus, one is a starbucks in a shopping center, one is a stand alone starbucks which is doable but the seating is pretty limited, one is the crazy coffee shop (not really the environment you want for a calming morning java) and one is the hipster coffee shop that has eccentric hours (read: we don't follow the sign on our door) and gives me metaphorical hives to visit. Plus, they put their cappuccinos in espresso cups, and that just furthers my hives. Oh, and there's another shop owned by the crazy coffee shop owner, but it has wooden benches for seating, and that is a pain in the ass, literally.

My other options are the local IHOP and Dennys.

See, and so the big problem is that this is a college town, and with only 6 shops to choose from, there's not much serenity going on. Here, you either party at a bar or a coffee shop, and the atmosphere is about the same (though the coffee shops are definitely higher on the geek factor). I guess I could get up REALLY early before the students, but the other problem is that I'm a night person, and there are biorhythmic, physiological things going on that make people either morning or night people. So even if I got up early, I would still stay up til at least 2. Maybe I can change my biorhythms.


Anyway, I'm determined to have this because I've got at least another full year here, and I have to make it doable. So any suggestions for how to bring Chicago to Lubbock?

2010

Silence
Serenity
Service
Serendipity
Simplicity
Singing
Solitude