You just earned yourself another detention, Bender!

Would someone please remind me that I am in graduate school getting my PHfuckingD because I forgot today and thought I was back in fucking high school.

1. I got to "work" today for a meeting at 9am. I take my backpack with me because we've had some theft problems in our little cubi land they call a grad office. I also keep my area pretty neat and put away for the same reason (nosy people who go through my stuff). Get back to the office, and the person next to me (a 2nd year PhD student) says: "Um, we've been talking (we being the other grad students). See, 1st years aren't supposed to the get the desks on this row (they are 1/4" bigger, literally), and you lucked out by getting it. People have been waiting for that desk for years, so if you aren't going to use it, we're going to have to report you to the graduate secretary." Now this girl is a 2nd year PhD, but she's been in the fucking program for 7 years getting a masters (5 fucking years for a masters full time??? are you fucking kidding me?), so she thinks she "owns" the program. And she *is* all snuggly with the grad secretary who is all snuggly with the dean, so she has some backing for this, but WTF? So I explain to her that I do use the desk but that I know for a fact that people sit in it when I am not there, and I put all my stuff up when I leave, and she says, "Well, throw some papers around so it looks used, or I will be *forced* to go to 507 (the dept office)."

2. One of my classes has a graduate (2nd year PhD) TA in it. I find it ridiculous that my work is graded by a peer who has one year over me (and has a massive power trip), but I've learned to live with it. Today, though, she crossed the line. The prof was up talking, and the girl next to me was chattering away. The TA turns around and looks at me and then sends me an email apparently. Class ends. She keeps me after class in front of other students and asks if I got her email. I said, Um, did you send it earlier? She said, "No, during class." I said, "I don't check my email during class." She said, "Well, it said Shhhh." And then she proceded to reprimand me for talking. She says, "I didn't see you talking, per se, but I did see Tamara talking, and I know she wasn't talking to herself." Tamara sits next to me (name changed to protect the guilty).

3. For my "job" i have to do interviews with people in the community. The bitch who is in charge of it is a 2nd year MASTERS student and sets up the interviews. It's for her thesis, but in order to get paid, I have to help her with it. Ridiculous. Anyway, she sets these things up but is so fucking obsessed with her boo boo (her boyfriend) that she forgets to tell people and forgets everything. She's twentyfuckingtwo and spoiled rotten. And she will call us up at 3 for an interview at 4, and we have to show up. Well, the first 2 interviews she fucked up and got lost, was 2 hours late for one and didn't even show to the other. She also forgot forms and such, but we just won't go there. So today, i am performing the interview, and she says, "Um, so that you get *experience* why don't you work with the parent this time (I usually interview kids since that's my area of specialization). Yeah, you know why she wanted that? Because she failed to tell me this was a reschedule. The parent spent an hour yelling at me and telling me horrible stories about how her daughter cried for hours and bought a new dress for the interview and feels rejected blah blah blah. and then shows me a fucking email from the prof in charge who apologized for "our" incompetence. OMfuckingG!

Ok, really, I'm floored. WTF kind of PhD program is this? It is filled with fucking people who have never worked a day in their lives. They live in this little academic bubble. I feel not only immensely smarter but more cultured and experienced than these people, and even though I have perfect scores on most everything, I am thinking of not coming back in Dec.

The thing is, though, I want to write and be my own boss, and I'll get more credibility with the Dr prefix. Maybe I'll just change my first name to Dr.

The Crank Identity

I do not exist. Therefore I am? Or perhaps I am not? Regardless, until I do, I will not have a school ID card, a parking permit, nor benefit information entered (which doesn't matter bc I don't receive benefits until Dec 1 anyway).

The same snow pig bitch didn't feel like entering our names and info into the computer, so none of us in my cohort exist in Tech land. Apparently I am registered for classes but there is no person to associate with that name that is registered. It's like a dummy registration. It makes no sense, I know. Just chalk it up to the weirdness of Lubbock.

The skies here are blue. They're the sort of technicolor blue of Oz or Little House on the Prairie, which is kind of cool. I didn't realize the impact smog had on Houston skies. This is good since I am just floating around in the sky, not existing, invisible to all who matter and sadly visible to the squealing pigs in trucks.

Down with LBB?

I guess I have to be.

So I moved to the thriving metropolis of Lubbock this weekend. I guess this post would work best if I put it into Eastwood format. So here goes.

The Good:
1. My house--it is bangin'!
2. My cats are happy. They have room to play.
3. The weather--it's cool and dry. [Today however had 62% humidity, so I reserve the right to withdraw this statement]
4. I have a backyard.
5. I have enough closet space to hang Paris Hilton's wardrobe.
6. I am 1.3 miles from campus and 2 miles from my building.
7. Running is awesome here. I can run at 10 am and not overheat, which is phenomenal since I hate getting up early.
8. There are more local channels, including 3 Jesus (well technically one is a Yahweh channel) channels, a weather channel, and the home shopping network. I also get 3 Spanish channels and a strange British channel which shows things like this late at night. Yeah, and I think that one deserves a you tube.
9. Prairie Dog Town
10. 7-11!
11. no traffic
12. everything is less than 15 min away
13. Local coffee house. Lots of granola people. Too many macs, tho.
14. My advisor. We click. She's brilliant. She's a presby PK. She's a runner training for a marathon. She's me, only she's already a doc.
15. My course load--uber challenging and interesting.

The Bad
1. Everyone in the town is 19 or 45 with no teeth.
2. Really young cohort. They are all fresh out of undergrad.
3. People lean out of the car and hoot, holler and even squeal like a pig when I walk to school. It's disturbing. I'm not sure if it's the redneck mating call or if they think I look like a pig. I guess if they yell, "Suey" I'll have my answer.
4. One of my assistantship supervisors. I'll leave it at that.
5. The local news. I don't normally watch the news, so this shouldn't be much of a problem. But it's like watching King of the Hill, which would be good if I weren't so damn disturbed that it's real. The weather people are all like Nancy Gribble. And the news people, well, I can't describe them.
6. The local weather. This gets it's own line item because it is brutal. Yesterday, I was all freaked out about a disastrous hail storm that was going to hit any minute. It interrupted the Olympics every minute for an HOUR with Severe Warning bulletins, urging us to take cover. And then I find out it's in freakin' New Mexico!
7. This is a good thing in Lubbock, but it doesn't bode well for me. Apparently, there was massive excitement in town because we broke records by receiving 2.5 inches of rain this month. We haven't done that since 1992.
8. The hard water. It actually stained my hair red. Apparently the iron is really bad here.
9. Dry, cracked skin anyone?
10. everything is slow. slow. slow. slow. And people are lacksidaisical (how do you spell that?) like Boobah. I tried to find a good Boobah video and came across this. It made me chuckle.

The Ugly
1. I don't get paid until Oct 1
2. The stupid ass snow pig of a bitch in the business office just felt overwhelmed this week from pounding root beer and fritos, and so she failed to process our scholarships. I had to put $3,000 on my credit card today or get dropped from classes. They swear they'll pay me back. Her exact words, matter of factly, "Well, I'm just overwhelmed and so it didn't get done this week, and it may not get done next week, and don't ask me about it neither." Her boss, present in this meeting, took her out in the hall and talked with her, and he came back in and swore we'd get our money.
3. The gas company guy. He came in and started probing me for info, as if I'd give it to him, and tried to freak me out. Seriously, we're talking creepazoid of the sexual assault type. [shiver] Then he came back, claiming that he forgot his tools! When he saw my male landlord, he ran away. Creepy.
4. No water for 2 days. Apparently, the water company here rips out the water meter bc there is a history of water meter theft on abandoned houses. So weird.
5. The smell from my sink. WTF is it? I can't kill it.


So that's it for my first 4 days in LBB. I'm sure there will be tales to tell. Yarns to spin. Fun to be had. Yessirree. Still no new Catbirds yet. I'll keep you posted.