Thursday, November 30, 2006

The eternal birthday flame still shines


Sadly, this is the last day of Kimday (and Padawanday), but I will not shed too many tears for the birthday spirit lives on as I pass the torch to Glinda.

Glinda, may the start of Glindaday be filled with little people, a sprinkling of mullets, a little tampering in the dorksided, and an occasional drunk girl falling down the stairs at Ernies. Party hard, my good witch!

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Full Circle

Well, not much has changed since last year.

Well except that I'm not in a cubicle.

At least I like my job now, and at least I'm not her.

I hate fish and other woes

I stayed home today to try to work bc I can't get anything done at work due to distractions. I make myself some lunch (early, I might add), heating up some leftover fish. I hate fish. It's messy, bony, covered in skin and scales and a magnet for cats. Yuck. Don't even ask me why I have fish leftovers when I hate fish. I didn't know I hated fish yesterday, ok?

Then I try to focus but I get a call from Bonnie the Bitch. Bonnie works for a debt collector and has been harassing me since 1999 over a medical debt I incurred bc of a claim my piece of shit insurance (at the time) denied. Apparently a biopsy on my breasts isn't good enough to pay for.

No more than 2 weeks after the procedure, the hospital (with no warning) sent the fucking thing to Bonnie the debt collector, and I've had to pay bit by bit ever since. Well, I"m pissed bc Bonnie the bitch won't give me the rundown on how much I still owe (I never got a bill, so I don't know how much I owe), and she won't give it to me, so I denied payment until I received a bill, per my lawyer friend's instructions. Well now I"m getting harassed even more, and my lawyer friend says, "Oh, well I guess that wasn't a good idea after all!" are you kidding me????????????

So while I'm trying to work, I get a call from Bonnie the Bitch who has this overwhelmingly annoying Philly accent and always talks to me like I am a fucking child.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET SOME FUCKING WORK DONE!!!

And then Google decides to get all grammar perfect all of a sudden and keeps putting red lines under every typo and word it doesn't recognize. Blogs used to be the place where you could make grammar mistakes intentionally. WTF?

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I'm going to work at Cafe Artiste.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Top 100 Quips

Seems odd to me that Paris Hilton and JFK would rank together on any list, but whatever.

I love that both "Hey hey hey"s ranked, and I love that you would have to have watched both to know the difference between the two.

Ah well, back to work today. Joyous!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Post turkey day meme

Taking a break from mass quantities of Mexican food to do a little work here in good San Antonio! Working with budgets always makes my brain hurt, though, so here's a little post turkey day meme to irritate all of my readers (doesn't really have anything to do with Tday, but what the hell--neither does Mexican food and margaritas, but I've enjoyed those this weekend.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I hate hotel bathroom lights
2. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” Whore
3. Favorite planet? Saturn
4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Gordie
5. What shirt are you wearing? a pretty light blue one that I bought at Ann Taylor yesterday for 85% off during the Tday sale at NorthStar mall in San Antonio (decent mall).
6. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? I try not to wear shoes
7. Bright or Dark Room? for doing what?
8. What does your watch look like? It's a piece of crap and too big for me bc I bought it from Walmart during an emergency. I usually use my phone for the time.
9. What were you doing at midnight last night? Walking back from the Paseo del Rio fest
10. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "First day in Delaware. Woke up and went to WaWa" (from Praxis)
11. Where is your nearest 7-11? Um, I don't think they have 7-11s in San Antonio
12. What's a word that you say a lot? YEA!!!.
13. Favorite age you have been so far? I like 32 so far, but 14, 21, and 27 were pretty good, too
14. Your worst enemy? do people really have enemies outside of the comic book world?
15. What is your current desktop picture? on my laptop: blue screen. At home: a picture of Illinois in the autumn
16. What was the last thing you said to someone? I need coffee
17. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? what? I can fly now, in a plane. Give me the money.
18. The last song you listened to? "If you're good to Momma, Momma's good to you" from the Chicago soundtrack.
19. What time of day were you born? mid day
20. What’s your favorite number? several: 16 for Montana's number for SF, 19 for his number in KC, 32 because I've always wanted to be 32, and 33 bc it was my number when I played basketball in college and bc it was Larry Bird's number for the Celtics
21. Where did you live in 1987? Houston
22. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Candy ones: Frown, pout, give it a little kick and then bump my shoulder into it muttering a few expletives; Soda ones: frown, pout, no kicks or shoulder bumps; I don't use vending machines much.
23. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Crap, I don't know. Can you still buy stamps? ;o)
24. Can you change the oil on a car? I can. Do I? No, that's what other people are for.
25. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? I dunno. Depends on what first love means. My first summer love I haven't heard from bc I totally dissed him bc my parents told me I couldn't date an older guy, so I lied and told him he just didn't "do it for me" to save embarrassment. My first boyfriend: he's a jackass who last called me up to tell me that I would never find anyone like him again. It's been 20 years. I've found plenty like and unlike him.
26. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? a Christmas party at Fulbright and Jaworski. Someone actually thought I was Nicole Kidman, apparently. I gave her my friend's card (she's an optometrist)
27. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Everything hurts. I've walked about 86 miles this weekend.
28. Have you been burned by love? who hasn't?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Thanksgiving Meme

On Thanksgiving, we all are grateful for family, pets, friends, food, and homes. That's wonderful. List 10 things you are grateful for that aren't on this list.

  1. I'm thankful for cell phones, text messaging, blogs, instant messaging, email, and every other form of virtual communication. I don't know what I'd do without them.
  2. I'm thankful for my job. I *heart* my job!
  3. I'm thankful for the beautiful day today. I love sunshine without overwhelming heat and humidity.
  4. I'm thankful that Slick, my car, still runs beautifully after almost 11 years (knock on wood)
  5. I'm thankful for my education and for the fact that I have motivation to continue getting education (though I can't decide what I want to study next, so that might be a hindrance).
  6. I'm thankful that I'm still a kid at heart.
  7. I'm thankful that I'm not afraid to be Cranky!!
  8. I'm thankful for all the women (and forward thinking men) who have paved the way for me to have what freedoms and opportunities I have today, and I'm thankful for those who are working to give women even more opportunity.
  9. I'm thankful for my health.
  10. I'm thankful for my wild, curly hair, even though we have a love/hate relationship with each other.
List 10 things you are grateful for that you probably wouldn't say at the dinner table on Thanksgiving.
  1. I'm thankful for fuzzy bunnies.
  2. I'm thankful for my ducky flip flops, which everyone tells me are my chicken flip flops, but since they are mine, I maintain that they are ducks
  3. I'm thankful that my cat (who wants me to know that I need to clean her litter box) just peed on my washable jacket and not on my couch.
  4. I'm thankful for Don Eduardo and Tootie G
  5. I'm thankful that I am the type of person who would probably say all of these at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
  6. I'm thankful for Jamba Juice, Half Price Books, coffee shops, and mashed potatoes.
  7. I'm thankful that I never saw Stryper in concert.
  8. I'm thankful that I no longer teach in the public school system.
  9. I'm thankful that since I graduated from college (ok make that grad school), I have never again had to resort to Olympia beer, Gomez tequilla, 1 ply toilet paper, ramen noodles, and free happy hour buffets to get by.
  10. I am thankful that my hair doesn't look like Art Garfunkel's
Thanks to olmue for the meme.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Sunday Seven--the Must Do Meme edition

Ok, so I missed doing my Sunday Seven, but I have to do this one because it's about obnoxiously quoting movie lines!!!

1. When a bill arrives in the mail, what do you do with it: pay it immediately, hold it with others and pay at once, or put it off until the last possible minute? something akin to the latter two (maybe that's what I should do for my Monday chore today)

2. Which actor makes the best James Bond? sorry to all you 007 fans, but James Bond should've died a long time ago. Ugh. I hate James Bond. In fact, I hate him so much that I will say that Roger Moore was the best one, just to piss off all the Bond fans out there.

3. Of the foods you enjoy, which one are you least likely to try cooking yourself? Um...I've cooked all the foods I enjoy, even the ones that are lit on fire. Um...let's say tamales. That looks like a pain in the ass.

4. Take the quiz: What does your birth month reveal about you?
November
Has lots of extraordinary ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinkforward. Unique. brilliant. Sharp thinking. Fine, strong clairvoyance. make good doctors. Dynamic. Secretive. Inquisitive. Know how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative. amiable. Brave. generous. Patient. Stubborn. hardhearted. Determined. Never quit. Hardly become angry unless provoked. Love to be alone. Think differently. Sharp-minded. Motivate self. Dont appreciate praises. Highspirited. Well-built, tough. Deep love, emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest. Keepsecrets. Cant control emotions. Unpredictable.

5. Of the results you just got, which one seems the farthest from the "real" you? Um...less talkative. When have you ever seen me less talkative? Then again, less talkative than whom? Also, think forward? What the hell does that mean? A forward thinker, maybe? OH NO, WAIT! HOMELY? WTF? I'M NOT HOMELY!

6. Will you see your extended family on Thanksgiving Day this year?
And that deserves a HELL NO! Nope the nuke fam and I are headed out to San Antonio for the festival of lights. Strangely enough, we're escaping the real dysfunctional family members in order to wallow in our own minor dysfunction.

7. Name some of your all-time favorite lines from the movies.
This one is hard because I have too many favorite lines.
  • "I'm waiting for a message from myself" Best in Show
  • "I like grapes" Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • "Don't be fatuous, Jeffery." The Big Lebowski
  • "It takes 4 seconds to get to that door. I'll give you 2." Breakfast at Tiffany's
  • "Bite my ass, Krispy Kreme!" Erin Brockovich
  • "I'm singing to Nelson!" A League of Their Own
  • "PC load letter...WTF does that mean???" Office Space
  • "What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding." The Ref
  • "You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: 'Did he have passion?'" Serendipity
  • "You know, if they didn't have the model train, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains." A Mighty Wind
  • "Anybody want a peanut?" The Princess Bride
  • "Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"--MP and the Holy Grail
  • "They came to me about a year ago. I was sitting on the John having one of those satisfying bowel movements. You know, that ones that border on mystical. Where you're like--- And there they were. Hundreds of the cutest little fat people floating right in front of me. It was wonderful. And then...they spoke." The Fisher King
  • "Put the f*ing lotion in the basket!" Silence of the Lambs
  • "What we've got here is failure to communicate." Cool Hand Luke
  • "This car. Goeth would've bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people, right there. Ten people, ten more people..." Schindler's List
  • "Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me." Star Wars

I have no life

So here I sit on a Monday morn, listening to Barry Manilow belt his heart out to Mandy, reminded of a video that makes me laugh about Barry, a pineapple, and some guy from Lost (which reminds me that I need to rent Lost). And I'm thinking about a movie that should be in theatres in TX soon.

Had a dream last night about my workplace being taken over by aliens, I think. It was one of those epic dreams that would get completely lost in translation in a blog, but suffice it to say, I trained with the CIA (yeah, Prax, I'm gettin' my own purple van, soon) and kicked some invisible alien boot-ay with my usually conservative female coworker who in this dream was dressed as Tina Turner from Thunderdome, including the hair.

That said, I have nothing to write about. I've transformed into my anal retentive self and have compiled a list of Monday chores to do by Dec 31. Today's chore? I haven't picked it yet. Maybe I'll pick a chore for my chore today and then do the chore next Monday...yeah...

Friday, November 10, 2006

Kimday 5: Megachurches on the Real Kimday


What better way to finish the first installment of the Kimday celebration than to visit the largest megachurch in America. Interesting to note that Texas is on the list 19 times, with Houston having 7 of those megachurches alone. I was going to rotate the pic above, but I sort of like the illusion of Praxis crawling towards the Lakewood sign. Too funny.

The tour was unbelievable. Really the place looks hardly different from the stadium where I saw the Rockets play and several 80s bands rock out. It even still smelled like grease, freon, and sweat. It has coffee shops, cafes, mission control, wings for every ministry under the sun. There's a "wall of champions" for those who have donated to the megavault, and there's a bookstore with a fashion section on what shoes to wear with what miniskirt and a women's section with such fascinating titles as this.

Oh, and in case you want to avoid long lines at the bookstore on Sunday, you can pick up Joel's book in 6 locations on the first floor alone (they are sold where the concession stands used to be--or still are).

I dunno. I hate to attack the man, but my first instinct is to become irritated, esp when I read about his Victoria Secret sermon (scroll down on the transcript). I feel like she's just a shell of a human, and he's her ventriloquist. Plus, his smile makes me uneasy. He just makes me uneasy, and I can't pinpoint it. It's not a vile disgust like those nutjobs you see who damage people daily, but I feel like he's doing some subtle damage. I just don't trust him, and I don't know why.

That church, too, wow...it kind of creeps me out in the way that buffets and large chunks of meat do.

Anyway, dropped Prax off at the airport and headed home to relax before going out for dinner at Mia Bellas. Then home for a movie and alone Kimtime. That, my friends, was the best way to end the Kimfest.

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Kimday 4: Kimday Eve

Woke up the next morning. 2shirts, student, and Edgy had already had breakfast downstairs. Luckily Edgy brought me back a hard boiled egg.

We left to go to IHOP because 4 days of bad eating had made me crave some harvest pancakes, but being Sunday, IHOP was packed. Starving, we opted for Furr's, a dining experience well defined by the restaurant's name. UGH.

I don't know what I ate because the food was so indecipherable that i had to order by color: "Yes, I'd like some orange and some green, please." Speaking of green, Praxis got some sort of green cottage cheese jello block that was just foul. The carrot souffle was actually quite good, though--sort of like a carrot bread pudding, if you can imagine that.

Bellies disgustingly distended, we headed out for HTown, stopping in Hempstead at the DiLorio farmer's market. Picked up some goodies, and Praxis got his picture taken with pickled quail eggs. Then off to meet Glinda at Maria Selmas. No, I didn't have a margarita. Couldn't stomach it.

Came home, thinking that we were going bowling but had no energy. Vegged and watched A League of Their Own and Best in Show again.

Status: exhausted; barely able to continue. No Vault available at Furrs. Bad food makes Kimmy really run down. Skin sallow and filled with breakouts. Ugh. I look like what I've eaten all weekend. Felt better after vegging awhile, though. Maybe I'll make it through Kimday after all.

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Kimday 3: Cranky does Austin

After a light breakfast at Tapatia, 2shirts, the student, Praxis, Edgy and I all head to Austin to meet up with Panchette. Praxis, Edgy and I make a detour in Brenham to have a little Blue Bell and stretch our legs a bit.

Once we make it to Austin, we grab a snack at a bbq joint with smiling pigs, frolicking cows, and studly roosters on the rotating orange sign. Note to self: never eat at a bbq restaurant with animated characters on the rotating orange sign.

A short nap later, we head out to Romeos for very good Italian. Panchette and Praxis got salads; Edgy and I split this fantastic dish made with roasted red chile pasta and a pomodoro sauce mixed with chiles, shrimp, and crawfish. Yummy! 2shirts--I'm not exactly sure what he got because he downed it pretty fast, and the student got the penne melanzana, which was what I originally had my eye on. I'm happy with what I got, though. OH, and I started with the most amazing tomato basil soup EVER! It became communal soup because we passed it around, which unnerved the waitress, I think, but whatever--it's Kimday!

I had a nice chianti, too, and then we had coffee and a free Kimday sundae, which was also communal.

Then we walked around a bit, just missed a live production of Rocky Horror staring Richard O'Brien (the original Rif Raff), and then ended up at The Speakeasy, a nice multi level bar with doo wop music. We girls all danced on the loft in imitation of the doo wop divas, and we even got a nod from them, which was quite a compliment. Excellent Lemondrop martinis, I must say, and free pool. Then we headed to a bar called something swanky where I got a Fucked up Mango which was a Red Headed Slut times 5. Damn. How do I sum up that portion of the evening: funny imitation, crazy pictures which Praxis has, a fight, and more fucked up mangos. Euggggh...it was fun, but I could feel the hangover brewing in the wings.

Cured that ache with a streetvended Chicago Style Hotdog--real vienna beef, neon relish, celery salt, peppers, and a poppyseed bun. Heaven.

The cab ride home was...um...something. The woman, who called herself a "Christian not a Mystic" wore patchouli (though Sandalwood was actually the scent symbol of Christ, she tells us), almost ran over 4 people on the way down 6th street, and then gave us some diatribe about the Field Theory (no, not the quantum field theory but some cracked ass theory about how if we touch each other we contribute to the death of each other). I zoned out at some point, but Praxis noted that she talked about "breaking her back." I do remember her mentioning that she had had 4 wrecks. Blugggh.

Back to the hotel where we watched Univision's original movie about some nun who killed people with rosaries. When she was possessed by the devil, a halogen red lamp would turn on and reflect on half her face. We began doing the MST3000 thing, making the nun into the Warrior, complete with puking sounds until Edgy fell asleep holding a half eaten cookie, and Praxis sleepily shuffled off to his room, leaving me to fall asleep to the sounds of the Dios Warrior.

Status: hurting; thinking that I might not have enough energy to go out tonight. Thinking that water and a dry salad sound really appetizing. It takes 3 Vaults this morning, and I'm starting to get little zits on my chin and one on my eyelid. My hair is beginning to look dull, and I've got the beginnings of circles under my eyes. My skin has this odd dryness to it and I start to hallucinate that it's yellow. This should be a sign to stop. Will I? Wait and see in the next posting tomorrow!

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Kimday 2: Ho Ho Ho

You know your birthday is something special, when the jolly old elf comes to cheer you on! That's right, Santa Claus came to celebrate Kimday on Friday at Bossa. I personally think that I need to give partial credit to Bonniebell, though, because like her hoohah's namesake (Cindy Lou Who), Bonniebell's overwhelming faith in Santa brought him to my party.

Bonniebell also provided a little simian entertainment (c/o Grayskull) with her little monkey in a fez. We took many pictures with the little monkey, and I truthfully don't think that Kimday would've been the same without him.

The meal--fantastic! Long but fantastic. 4 hours of gustatory bliss. Starters were corn and pork empanandas and plantains (good call, G). An hour later, the main course arrived--also divine. The drinks were also phenomenal: raspberry mojitos, regular mojitos, south beach mojitos, and some concoction that Chuck got that tasted like pure 151--yikes. Then came the tres leches cake for my birthday which was melt in your mouth slap your thigh and moan kind of good, and then we got to order our coffees with minidessert (the desserts came in shot glasses). Doc got carrot cake; Bonniebell and I ordered the mousse; Edgy went with the key lime pie; Praxis and JTS got the creme brulee, and Glinda declined. YUMMERS!!!!

Post dinner, we headed to La Carafe for some wine, flowers and conversation. The table, as it should, said Kim on it--just for Kimday, I'm sure. Then we headed to Warrens for some old school drinking and themed music. I didn't get paid for my smile this time, but I did get a White Russian so strong that I nicknamed it the Chernobyl. Then we topped it off with damn fine pizza from Franks and a Mountain Dew. Mmmm Franks.

Can't speak for the rest of the crew, but back at da house, we had some more Caucasians and watched Best in Show. "Peanut, hazelnut, cashew nut..."

Status: Liver still functioning; skin and hair still the same; pants still fit; a little tired, but I pick right up once I have some Vault.

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Kimday Day 1: Cast Iron Stomachs and Livers


Yes, I'm posting at 2 am, post Pig Stand, post Devilport.

The Praxis arrived at 3, and we had a little celebratory drink at the IAH bar. Nothing like a 14 oz White Russian to start the day. Then we headed to Empire so that I could do some work, but alas, there is no Wifi there.

Next was the Pig Stand. Dear God! That was NASTY! My apologies for ever suggesting it. I still have road rash on my soft palate from the club sandwich. Then it was off to the Devilport. Praxis downed martinis like they were shots.

Here's the thing. Glinda and I think that we conquered the Devilport, but really, I think that it conquered us, in a way. G was going to skip drinking, and instead she had 6 martinis. After the first drink, she said, "I'm only going to drink whiskey." Her second drink was a vodka and grapefruit. Yeah, whiskey. Score 1 for the D. Score 5 more for each additional vodka grapefruits. Davenport 6, Kimday 0

Gordie wasn't going to drink at all. About 30 min in, she succombed to the power of the D, ordering her first martini--a white one. Then, she downed that one and drank half of another. Davenport 7.5, Kimday 0

Edgy: Edgy fell asleep at the D. That counts for at least 1.5. Davenport 9, Kimday 0

Jake the Snake: He drank a drink called Jonestown Koolaid and then mixed it up with Scotch. this is significant since Jake always berates people who drink anything else on a night of scotch. Davenport 10, Kimday 0.

Me: the big D caused me to consume mass quantities of food that really suck. Davenport 11, Kimday 0.

The Praxis--unbelievable amounts of liquor leads to slight stumbling to the car, then inability to talk in the restaurant afterwards, leaving me to argue the liberal side of things to 2 crazy drunken Neo Cons, and then inability to get out of the car. After being half carried up the steps and drinking 2 glasses of milk, he says, "Yeah, I think the Devilport got me." Davenport 25, Kimday 0

Who won? I'll let you judge, especially after you hear the highlights:
  • coloring at the Pig Stand
  • me taking a work phonecall while everyone else talks about my ass and vag
  • the waitress--what the hell was she?
  • how long does it take to make a black cow?
  • consuming a 1/2 bottle of ketchup bc the food is so bad
  • discovering the cure for hiccups--club soda and 2 limes
  • tamales
  • Latin American Hindis
  • adding a new log to the fireplace
  • burning a penis in effigy
  • pulling down our pants (practicing for when Don Ed has his year next year)
  • many many quotes which will have to wait until tomorrow bc I can't remember them now

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Thursday, November 02, 2006

Funniest Hoohah names EVER!

  • Grayskull
  • Dualie (This one actually made me laugh while I was getting my teeth cleaned, and I spit stuff everywhere--poor hygienist)
  • She-ra

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Poem

Ernie's is bad
Glinda is, too
Co Cola's Energy So-dah
Will get me through