Bo knows

...my computer.

While I've been cleaning the viruses out of my body, my computer has been infected with them. Bostack got ahold of my poor PC and wreaked havoc. I think Bo is still wreaking havoc because I can't search the internet without ending up at Ebay. Emailed Microsoft and talked to all techie friends, and no one has heard of Bostack, and McAfee and all the spyware can't delete him. Time for a computer overhaul.

Well, I made it through the cleanse, and now it's time to add food back in slowly, one day at a time. Yesterday was brown rice. Yea! Brown Rice! Today is wheat! Yea! Wheat! I've never been so happy to eat shredded wheat dry before (can't add milk yet). Tomorrow is bananas. Yea! Bananas!

To those of you who think I'm nuts, this is working. I can breathe through both nostrils for the first time in 10 years, and all the aches and pains are pretty much gone. Edgy has finally gotten into the diet, too, and actually found out that he has allergic reactions to green beans. He's lost a pants size (why do men always lose weight so easily?) and I've lost a 1/2, which is difficult because my 8s sag, and my 6s fit too tightly (except for this one fabulous size 6 skirt that has fit all along, and I think it must be magic).

To celebrate the end of the cleanse, I played hooky yesterday and today. Damn it feels good to be a slacker! Yesterday, I led the cat's life, following whatever my cats told me to do, which meant that I sprawled out on the couch watching Back to the Future and National Lampoons Vacation, napped, and then, when deciding to do something productive, took 2 hours to clean off my coffee table because I was so engrossed in the movies. Ah, the cat's life rules. Oh, and last night I finished The Class, so no more class for me!

Today, I've eaten shredded wheat and typed this. That brings me to 10:58, so I guess I should do something productive. Naaaah!

Day 2: Oops, must be working

Woke up still feeling like shit. My joints are horribly stiff in the morning and ache like hell. I can't even get down the stairs well, much less get out of bed without Edgy massaging my legs. He says my muscles get tighter everyday. Not good.

Stayed with the diet, though. Found that Diet Cherry Coke is ok, at least for now. Everything was going ok, not even really craving anything much, until dinner. STARVING, I had to run through a drive thru and was craving green beans (an ok on the diet), so I ordered from from KFC (the only place other than McDs around). Only thing is that they were canned. I hate canned veggies, but worse, canned veggies are prohibited. Still, I'm starving, so I ate them. Figured, what the hell is so bad about canned veggies other than they taste bad and have a lot of salt. Should've ordered a salad, but if I eat another dry salad right now, I might lose it.

Anyway, in class, I started shaking and thought what the hell, and then it hit me: canned veggies have sugar in them! So, I guess the diet is working because man oh man did I feel like ass after those beans.

I just hope I didn't set myself back a day. Can't handle more than 10.

Day 1 (cont): Crankiness

Scratch that insight shit. I WANT SOMETHING SWEET NOW! I'd take even a nasty ass sugar free ice cream pop right now.

Day 1: Insights

• oatmeal bites, especially without sugar and milk.
• I really want sugar 5th period, cookies particularly
• finding fast food to fit this diet is really difficult, but JITB has a decent salad even without the dressing and fried wontons
• Iced tea is not so bad as long as you nix the ice
• exercising on this diet is a chore
• canned broth has yeast in it, a nono for the diet
• end of detox diet occurs on May 4th, in time for Cinco de Mayo, but unfortunately, the toxin dieoff process on this diet is so strong that you have to introduce one food back each day (in a certain order--alcohol, corn, beans, and cheese being last), so Mexican food will probably not be on the list. I'm thinking reintroduce PASTA!
• toxin dieoff will begin in approx 3 days, during which time I will feel like I have the flu combined with bloating and/or GI issues. Don Eduardo is not happy but is preparing for the hurricane
• Cranky is so freakin hungry that her belly actually hurts
• confusion with diet instructions: "Measures must be taken to encourage more frequent and complete bowel elimination for those with slow elimination! [exclamation point is the author's]. Must clarify with doc what measures exactly bc websites recommend a warm salt water enema, and Don Eduardo puts his foot down on that one. Not gonna happen.
• This diet is too damn confusing, and I don't think I will make it 10 days

False Start

yeah, well, I was going to go on that diet today, but i realized that there were leftovers in the fridge that had to be eaten, so diet starts tomorrow. In fact, I'm on my way to buy food for it right now.

I know I know. Shaddup.

Cranky's about to be cranky

Just got back from a night of beer, pizza, fried cheese, and ranch dressing. why? because Cranky's about to go on an elimination diet to determine if food sensitivities are causing Chronic Fatigue symptoms. Here are the no nos for 10 days:

• breads
• cheese
• condiments with vinegar in them (even salad dressing has vinegar)
• malt
• bacon
• ham
• sausage
• hot dogs
• corned beef
• pastrami
• other processed meats (why am I thinking of Dick Cheney here?)
• melons
• fruit juices
• anything with sugar or sugar derivatives
• processed food
• other dairy products
• peas and beans
• corn
• potatoes (oh god help me)
• fruit
• wheat
• eggs
• white rice

Ah god. What am I going to eat? Oh, yeah, I forgot--no alcohol. Well, I am cheating, though, this week because StoneColdLisa wants to go to the Davenport (yes, she does, Glinda) so I'll cheat on that day.