Stupid Bootyheads

Today I got in trouble for using foul language. I was at lunch with two ADULTS, and I used the word stupid in a sentence, as in, "He would be pretty stupid to make a move like that." I was told that I should cease using such profane, mean spirited language in these people's presence (or something along those lines).

A few months ago, I was reprimanded for using the word booty, as in, "I fell down smack dab on my booty."

These are both words my parents, both staunch religious conservatives, use frequently. I called them up and informed them that in actuality, they were not conservative and that their liberal, hippie parenting is getting me in frequent trouble. Mom laughed.

an hour later

I'm still looking at cartoon montages.

Unga Bunga

I'm supposed to be writing some curriculum, but I have sort of a writer's block. Yesterday, as I sat down with the blank page, all I could hear in my head was this. Seriously, I'd morphed into Homer Simpson who sees the little monkey in a fez twirling around in a car every time Marge talks to him.

So I go home, thinking that sleep will help with this block of mine. Alas, I woke up this morning to no such luck. Yes, peanut butter jelly is gone, but it has been replaced by this.

Seriously, this curriculum is due tomorrow. Maybe if I watch a montage of all '80s shows it will get it out of my system. Yeah, yeah, yeah that did it. My mind is clear. My mind is clear. My mind is cl...NOOOOOOOO! Ok, maybe Bill will show me a thing or two to write.

Hey hey hey!!!

Random Post

Contents of fridge:

Milk
Beer (2 kinds)
garlic
3 tomatoes
ketchup
hot sauce

It's raining and cold, and if they had drive thru grocery stores, I'd go shopping.

Random thoughts

Today is the CPs bday. He's joined the league of thirtysomethings. I didn't bother offering to take him out. I did, however, buy him a card with a Vulcan on it. I forgot it at home.

Yesterday at the AcDec event, a kid was wearing a poncho--you know, the Clint Eastwood Good Bad and Ugly kind of serape poncho. I didn't see him at first until my friend leans over and sings in my ear [insert Ennio Morricone]. I choked on my own saliva laughing.

Training now for a new sporting event. It's the Avon 2 day 39 mile walk. A full marathon the first day and a half the second. We camp overnight. I'm a little anxious about walking for 39 miles. Running 26 was a long enough time on my feet. Still, it sounds like a challenge, and it raises money for breast cancer. They won't let us run because they can't close the streets for 2 full days, obviously. It's a safety issue.

At the same time, I'm training to run the Baylor Bearathon in March and the San Antonio Marathon in November. Neither of these is for charity.

Upcoming trips--Vegas in March, Lubbock and Chicago in April, and hopefully the northeast or colorado sometime in the summer.

Met a woman yesterday named Meg Swan. This was fuel for many chuckles throughout the day, especially since I was drinking Starbucks and working on my laptop.

Heyyy youuuu guyyyyys!

Ok seriously, I know that SBC thinks I'm a mutant freak, but now I'm starting to think so. This weekend, I was volunteering at an Academic Decathlon competition, when the lights suddenly go out for the Superquiz (the gameshowesque portion of the weekend). I mean, the whole school blew out, and McSteamy (aka the socialist boy), turns around and mutters something to the effect of,"You did it again, you mutant freak." He was referring to my past success with exploding little things when I get mad, but most specifically to the evening we spent at a local pub when the electricity went out for good for the evening.

It stayed out for a good 30 minutes when I jokingly turned to a friend and said, "You know, I think I'm gonna try to turn them back on now." So I do this little jedi/vulcan mind meld sort of move with my hands and face and stared at the lights. I kid you not, the bastards started glowing and firing back up. I almost choked laughing. It's coincidence, of course (or is it...hmmmm?). After that, I went to the bathroom and locked the stall door, and the damn lock shocked me, shooting out this blue flame that was about an inch long! OMG!

So then today, I went to work, and the damn lights blew out! I'm not kidding. WTF?

I'm gonna turn it on. I'm gonna bring you the power. It's coming down the line, strong as it can be, through the courtesy, of Cranky!

Naga-sake?

Ok, so last night I dreamed that I flew to Nagasaki and spent 2 days there with absolutely no sleep and existing entirely on cheetos, beer and sake. All I can remember is wandering around in a stupor, bickering with people and blaming it on my lack of sleep, and swimming in a pool 4 times the size of an Olympic pool.

The best part? As you know, I often have a soundtrack going in my dreams. This soundtrack featured Sin Wagon by the Dixie Chicks and Sittin' on Top of the World by Amanda Marshall.

I woke up to an NPR report about how all Americans are sleep deprived.

Oh for the love of anything holy

I just didn't even need to see this today.

Thankfully, it's from a student organization and not the institution itself.

Still...

Thanks to feministing for the vomit of the day.

need. vault.

Murfle.

To answer Darth's text msg: No, I did not find a new Catbirds. This was a temporary Catbirds, and my dears, I think it's worse. I won't be brightening up its doors again with my presence, trust me.

I'm thinking the place was a previous stripjoint--nondescript door, no signage, no windows, an awning, a POLE and disco ball on a tiny little dance floor. ah god. I have to admit that the pole called to me instantaneously, and I resisted for awhile.

The only reason we knew we were in the right place for a birthday party was because the name of the bar was scrawled in neon cursive above the bar, the only light in the place, well, unless you count the disco ball. We were there for the bday of a former colleague, a woman who puts on one hell of a party. A few years ago, the shindig involved some 200 people, Cajun food, candles, some concoction made of nothing but pineapples and grey goose, a live band and a DJ, and several kegs of Heineken which prompted 2shirts to get so falling down drunk that he was nicknamed the Assgrabber. Yes, our own 2shirts grabbed the ass (several times) of the honoree's husband, gaining him the name (dubbed by husband). This, of course, led to many conversations about 2shirt's need for a chocolate rim and the like, but I digress.

Well, 2shirts touched the pole first (no pun intended), and then after a few more hours, I did. Spun around it. Yup. That was fun. I just needed some antibac gel after that.

The cake was sweet. I ate too much, and now I have a splitting headache and messed up blood sugar today, but it was fun while it lasted. Excuse me, gotta go find some energy so-dah!

Today's random funnies

When being told by my hr manager that the new study leave policy has changed from 2 weeks to 1, I say, "Well, I don't think it's fair that my contract states 2, and now you're taking one away." Her response: "We're not taking it away; we're just changing the policy." Me: What is 2-1? Her: 1. Me: You're taking it away. Her: No, we're just changing the policy. Me: I had 2. I'm left with 1. Subtraction. Minus. TAKE AWAY!

Arrived at my second job to teach. Every time I go there, someone says, "Ah, you're that new English teacher." It happened again. WTF?

Teaching about denotation and connoation. Student mentions the word, w00t. Another student asks what it means, and I define it. First student says: "It's so cool to have a teacher that's as nerdy as us!" [Not sure how to take that].

Assistant dean comes into my classroom in the middle of the first hour. Says that the students are needed in the common area ASAP. We all file out. IT'S FOR A FUCKING DRAWING FOR A $10 GAS CARD. WTF?????

Gotta go. Family Guy Star Wars episode on.

Amazing date

So tonight I had one of the best dates in a long time. I pulled out a cookbook picked up in Italy and made a nice little Bolognese dish (with olive oil bought in Italy), turned on some Beethoven, opened up a bottle of Pinot Noir, and used my best china and crystal to set a spectacular candlelit table. Then, with hair upswept and a hint of lipgloss, I sat down at the table barefoot and took in every scent, savored every flavor--alone.

I'm not really one for new year's resolutions. Usually, if I do pick one, it involves taking a picture of a body part and sending it to Glinda. This year, though, I actually sort of made one--to regain my alone time. I'm forever working 80 hour weeks and taking on second jobs while squeezing in running and meeting up with friends. I never just spend time alone, refreshing. And actually, I didn't even plan to have this date tonight. I just started cooking, and then I thought about how I rarely get to use my good dinnerware or drink my good wine or use my good olive oil, etc, and I thought why the hell not? so I did.

At first it felt kind of silly, a date with myself, but then I turned out all of the lights, tasted the wine, and stared at the flame in the center of the table, and there was no place else I wanted to be.

And now it's time for yoga and Casablanca, well, and chocolate, of course.

Nice New Years

I did end up going out for New Years this year, but it was to a nice wine bar where I could sit down all night. Any sudden movement would throw me into a coughing fit. And I managed to make a nice glass of wine last for about 2 hours before having to get another one. I felt bad holding on to a table for so long without drinking, especially since one of the friends I was with doesn't drink. So 2 glasses of wine for me for the evening and a nice jazz band with a balloon drop at the end. Very pleasant night. Yes, Cranky just used the word pleasant to describe an evening. I'm growing up.

Got home, went to bed at 1am (gasp) and woke up to a picture of the smallest, most disproportionate ass I've ever seen on my phone--or at least that's what I thought it was. Apparently, it was Glinda's arm, but knowing her affinity for short people with infirmities, I'm still not sure.

Back to work yesterday and today. Right now I'm 10 min late for work, and I'm still in my pjs eating oatmeal (as part of my eating healthy thing again) and typing this. Obviously New Year's Resolution is NOT getting to work on time. I worked 12.5 hours yesterday, though, so they can kiss my ass.