I'd better get started on that zombie escape plan

53%

You know it

Your Vampire Name Is: Opal of Pain

I never knew what life was until it ran out in a red gush over my lips, my hands!

What's Your Vampire Name?

It's official

You Are a Total Procrastinator

If you can a task off, you will. You hate doing chores and work. Almost all of your tasks get done late, if they even get done at all. You often find life overwhelming and stressful. You feel like you'll never get everything done. You spend more time worrying about your responsibilities than taking care of them. It's likely that you procrastinate because you have too much to do... or aren't doing the right things. Learn how to let go of what's trivial and focus on what matters. Do the important stuff right now!

Are You a Procrastinator?

Ok and really

why is it that I cannot make myself write a term paper until the deadline is literally looming a mere 8 or so hours away? What is that all about? It ain't that hard. Once I start, I finish the damn thing in minutes. I just can't do it without the pressure of the deadline. WTF?

Pondering eccentricity

There's some small part of me that wants to be the eccentric outlier who just lives in her little world and communicates with those whom she feels like interacting with and ignores those whom she feels are not worth speaking to.

But here's a question: I know I won't be the hip but blase sort of eccentric who has green nail polish, pink starched pigtails, and wears a tutu (well, maybe the tutu) and carries a giant lolly. Those are the people I would feel would be not worth speaking to--if I were eccentric, I mean. So then, will I be the eccentric but brilliant scientist who lives in the Alps observing the burrowing and hibernation patterns of marmots and is highly revered but at a safe distance bc "well, she's kinda weird?" Or will I be the type of eccentric who writes poetry and smells of turpentine, wears knee high rainbow socks, a tiara, and quite possibly a tutu while sitting at a local fair trade coffee shop, uncrossing and crossing my legs continually (and not in a Sharon Stone way either). Or will I wait til the winter years to be eccentric and have strange garden gnomes in my yard, play the latest version of WOW, and tell people to go to hell randomly while blaming it on dementia? Or will I look perfectly "normal" but devote myself to speaking only in haikus or in iambic pentameter? Or will I be the Andy Kaufman sort of eccentric who just does things solely because I find them funny? Or will I be the PhD graduate who locks herself in a treehouse finding hidden messages in tree bark and froot loop box prizes, only to be ignored by those who don't see the messages, thus sending me to a spot under a bridge where I make a house out of the empty froot loop boxes and live on dandelions and buttercups?

Or will I just not be eccentric at all?

Really?

Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)

Derrial Book (Shepherd) 80% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 70% River (Stowaway) 70% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 65% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 60% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 60% Inara Serra (Companion) 60% Wash (Ship Pilot) 45% Alliance 35% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 25% A Reaver (Cannibal) 0%

Even though you are holy you have a mysterious past.

Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test

Thinking Happy Thoughts

Ok, yeah, I got nothin'.

I heart snow

It was in the teens and snowy today, and I loved it! Of course, I didn't have to drive in it, but I did have to walk to and wait at the bus stop so that counts for something. Everything is so beautiful in the snow. [pause to reflect]

So awhile back, S&S inspired me to think about the 34 things I want to do before I'm 35. Wow. I suppose I'll start, but I can't promise all 34. Of course, one of my friends asked me if it was my bucket list, and now I'm all paranoid.

1. start my 7000 project (the one that has to be done before quals and dissertation) bc I am so ready to get out of this joint, even with the pretty snow.
2. finish at least one scrapbook in my pile of thrown together pictures. This will be difficult to achieve because I don't enjoy the scrapbooking process despite the fact that I want to have all my pictures together in a tidy, aesthetically pleasing package
3. wear one of my formal dresses somewhere prudent, as opposed to a random Monday that I term Megafabulous McDonald's Monday or something
4. sing on the street corner for money at least once
5. put a zombie apocalypse escape plan together because I've really been putting that off for too long ;)
6. start planning an Alternative Kimday Action Plan (AKAP) in case I'm stuck in the LBB alone again
7. take my mp3 player out of its package and actually load it
8. Give up guilt over stupid things like forgotten thank you notes from 2 years ago and the like
9. Use my SWA gift certificate
10. become better at shunning the foods I'm allergic to
11. quit buying pints of ice cream bc I only eat about 3 bites out of the container with a fork and then neglect it until it morphs into a little crystallized Whoville. If I want ice cream, I'll just go to the scoop shop
12. figure out what to do with the swarovski crystal kangaroo with the broken tail that a student gave me one year
13. pick up the wiper blades that I ordered from the dealer 3 weeks ago and just haven't picked up because I hate auto dealers
14. use my football servingware (hopefully this weekend)
15. at least think about writing again
16. read at least one book on my to read list that is not school related
17. actually use my backyard for something--a party, reading in a lawn chair, dancing naked, something!
18. go to a drive in theatre
19. just throw away a pillow. just toss it. I have this thing that I can't get rid of pillows. I buy new ones and either store the old ones (just in case--of what I don't know) or transform them into cat beds or back rests or something. it's insane. I have a problem.
20. avoid mowing my yard. I've done it thus far, so hopefully I can continue.
21. get another stamp on my passport (I stole this one from s&s)
22. actually remember how old I am. Seriously, I have to do the math, and I keep second guessing myself when I get an answer
23. while I don't have time to train for my 3rd marathon, I'd like to at least run a half this year
24. watch the first season of House
25. find some way to release my inner artist without having to spend a lot of money. Maybe I'll try out for community theatre. I'd try the lubbock ballet, but they are too snooty
26. treat myself to at least one pedicure
27. get to the chiropractor at least once
28. have a picnic in prairie dog town
29. celebrate groundhog's day
30. paint something. Anything.
31. have one entirely perfect witty moment--you know, like when you have the perfect comeback in utter dry nonchalance
32. go roller skating
33. meet someone intriguing
34. do something I've always wanted to do but have never done (and at this moment, that something escapes me)

Emerging from Muck

Have had the stomach flu, a paper to write, and much research to do. It has been a busy few days, and I am weaker for it.

Plus, I am still fighting for my scholarship and am nearing the point when I scream my bloody head off, stand up on someone's desk, and start kicking papers around (not necessarily in that order). Seriously, I am in a financial crisis from these people, and they are giving me the run around and flat out lying and have been since April. That's the only way to put it. My only solace is to imagine punching them in the face repeatedly and then doing that little Zohan finger and foot thing: Smell it, smell it, smell it. Now take it! That's for you!

So today I was able to eat some broth and a potato. This thing is going around. Basically, you are fine, and then you get a massive headache and begin throwing up in the middle of the night for about an hour. The next day, you feel like a truck ran over you, and then you get to repeat it the next night. Luckily, it only lasts 48 hours. The sad thing is that I had made this divine little casserole, and I cannot even look at it bc, well, I'll spare you the details. Ugh. And I just can't afford to throw good food away. Sigh. Maybe I'll freeze it.

And then, as expected, I'm dancing the red tape tango with the tech school I taught at for a stint last year, W2 (or 4, which is it) wise. Blugga!

And yes, I still should rant about my landlord, but I just don't have the strength to do the post justice.

Post it

This is a reminder that I need to rant about my landlord who JUST WOKE ME UP FROM A MUCH NEEDED NAP since I woke up every hour on the hour last night.

Going to try to sleep again.

"I'm Don Corleone, Mrs. Cavanaugh's cousin"

Wow. I had a helluva dream last night. It was one of my infamous soundtracked dreams, which included the songs Round and Round by Ratt and Bit by Bit by Stephanie Mills (made famous by the Fletch soundtrack).

So it begins that I'm in high school again, only I'm the age I am right now. For some reason, though, I must still appear to be high school age because no one believes it. I go to a girlfriend's house in this posh mansion, and we are given strict orders not to allow any boys into the bedroom by the grandmother and matriarch of the house. The girl giggles, and I just cringe that I'm stuck in this high school life.

Girl, we'll call her Bunny, gets on her cell phone and calls up the boys who subsequently climb up the giant sycamore tree to rescue us. Her boy is some typical High School Musical sort of chap. Mine? Mine? Eugene Levy. Eugene Levy in character, you know? You've got to be kidding me. So Bunny and Buck start making out in the corner, and Eugene looks at me with hopeful eyes. I tell him we've got some packing to do--we're getting outta here. And I had these pills that I had to find, plus an important letter for the agency I worked for. It then hit me--I was undercover.

We hear steps coming down the hall. The matriarch is coming, so I push Levy under the bed, and B & B head to the shower. "Stupid arses," I mumble. Matriarch says, "We don't have any boys up here, do we?" And I tell her to get out of my way because I don't have time for her silliness. She glares at me, calls me an insolent little wench, and moves about her purposeless day. Then her dog looks at me, and I hand him a trail mix bar and move about my next task.

Levy is overcome with sexual fervor at the thought of my bravada, so he comes out from his hiding spot and plants a giant kiss on me. At first I'm appalled and then I realize that as I make out with him, he turns into Jim Sturgess and so I figure I should just keep making out with him for all humanity's sake. And the music here? The Flame by Cheap Trick.

We jump out the window (cue Quantum Leap type of music) and I hit some sort of wormhole jumping me to my next assignment which is as a teacher's aide in a failing day care center. My job is to sweep, mop, and scoop poop (and yes, they poop like dogs on the floor, these kids). [cue Bit by Bit]. I get the scoop on the director, turn her in for fraud and win approval from my boss who is Orson.

I say my Nannoo Nannoos and head off down the streets of Brooklyn (post another wormhole) headed for my next assignment. I'm wearing cropped editor's pants and tall boots. Lovin this assignment, I stop to look at the newspaper bit, and Round and Round begins playing. I shake my head and laugh.

New Year's Reso

End of the Year Reflection

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? started a Phd program
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember my resolutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my friend Karen
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my uncle
5. What countries did you visit? none this year [sigh]
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? less freakin drama
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory? April something or the other when I did my 39.3; Dec 20-21. I don't want to talk about that weekend.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? a 4.0 in my program
9. What was your biggest failure? I dunno.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no
11. What was the best thing you bought? Firefly DVD
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? the American public
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? cp
14. Where did most of your money go? school related expenses
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my Firefly DVD
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2008? Gravity
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? somewhat happier
thinner or fatter? thinner
richer or poorer? poorer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? relax
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? continuing to keep toxic people in my life.
20. How did you spend Christmas? with family
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? I have no idea, really
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? again and again
23. How many one night stands in this last year? a lady doesn't tell
24. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's Anatomy and House
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? hate is a strong word but yes
26. What was the best book(s) you read? Sadly, my pleasure reading came to a halt around August, but I reread Persuasion and enjoyed it better than I did in graduate school. Books I was disappointed in were Paint it Black and Love in the Time of Cholera. The latter was well written, but I just couldn't connect with the characters well. I'm reading The Time Traveler's Wife currently.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't know about greatest, but I find Death Cab for Cutie to be humorous; Red and Sleepercar were also surprising little finds.
28. What did you want and get? a 4.0
29. What did you want and not get? truth
30. What were your favorite films of this year? I haven't been to a lot of movies, sadly, so this list is sparse: The Dark Knight, Get Smart, X Files 2, Sweeney Todd
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 34. This was the worst Kimday ever, actually. I did nothing. Well, someone took me out to dinner, but it was lacking compared to previous Kimfests.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? a better Kimday or really, a larger circle of Lubbock friends which would have satisfied the Kimday lack
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? hoodies and jeans, the doctoral student's only fashion concept
34. What kept you sane? running
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? We'll go with Zach Braff bc once that whole positive thinking bullshit works, I'm gonna hook up with him
36. What political issue stirred you the most? the election
37. Who did you miss? friends in general
38. Who was the best new person you met? D
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. I don't know if I learned it yet, but I did realize that you can try your hardest to do everything right and still fail, so just do what's real for you.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
"I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds" [Fidelity--Regina Spektor]

Ph Demon

So I haven't done anything substantial all day. I watched a movie, read a couple of chapters in a book about McLean Hospital, cleaned the cat litter, sent a few texts, made some hodgepodge of a thing I like to call soup, found an old note the CP and I passed once during a meeting about serendipity and "the one" and all that load of bollocks, subsequently ate 5 dark chocolate almonds, a handful of m&ms and a glass of cab to push that little memory away, and researched roller derby in the LBB. They are holding open auditions, no experience necessary. G doesn't think I have time for it, but I am so all about my alias--Ph Demon.

Really, it's more about the name and the fish nets than anything else, so perhaps I should just dress like a derby girl and be done with it. I'm not much of a skater. But man, those fish nets, shin guards, and knee pads. I'm all over that! How can I pull that off without officially being a Derby girl?

This will be my point of ponderance for the evening since I've obviously given up studying for today. My first thought is just to go for a nice little 3 mile run, come home, put on the outfit, and then head out to a smoky pub with a towel over my shoulder, order Irish Whiskey straight up, fan myself, and talk about what a hard practice it was to the random person sitting next to me. But this lacks integrity, so maybe I won't talk, I'll just fan myself, and when they ask what I do, I'll smile coyly and bat my eyes. yes, yes, I like this.

i'm studyin'

I just fell asleep with my head in my left hand and my right hand perched atop my mouse, index finger poised to left click. I woke up when the heat came on and murmured, "I'm studyin'. I'm studyin'." Oh hell. I haven't even finished the week yet.

The good news is that both my 8:30 meeting and my 11:00 meeting got cancelled tomorrow, and I have no class, so I have nothing to do until my 4pm study session. Sleepytime for Cranky--and maybe a little wake up run.

You know Cranky's tired when

she doesn't even have the energy to rant. And it's such a good rant about an incompetent dentist and a loose, jagged filling and a piece of floss stuck in my teeth. Sigh

back to reading. it's only the 2nd day of class. jeez.

Blugga

I cannot even talk about the amount of work due this semester. Sleepytime now.

save me from the nothing I've become

You know, I almost hate to write this on here because on this blog, I tend to unleash the ferocious inner ferret (my term for the bitchy part of me that gets mainly supressed all day long). In other words, I'm sharper with my pen than with my lips.

In real life, I think, I'm fairly even keeled, at least in a work setting. And especially at this "job," I keep Frida (my inner ferret) locked away where she can do no damage. I'm polite, articulate, conscientious--in fact, most of the professors adore me because I am the model student. My assistantship super, however, is a different story. I actually think he does like me, but he's just a fuck. He's a misogynistic, egotistical, fuck. As are many of the people in academia which is why I'm not going to even consider the idea of becoming a professor. Been there, done that, not gonna do it again.

So here's my vent. These people treat us like we are fucking subhuman. Imagine Full Metal Jacket meets The Ivory Tower, if you will. They don't call us maggots, no, they are too "nice" for that, but they might as well call us that and force us to do pushups. To them, we are grunts; we have no brains, no souls, no purpose other than to lick their assholes, and I don't particularly much care for that. They do not refer to us by name but by "you, graduate student," and they honestly treat us like shit. actually, here is the perfect analogy. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Imagine a pompous socialite encountering a vagrant on the street. If the socialite does go one step past ignoring the vagrant, THAT is how they treat us.

And yes, what did I expect? I'm a grunt again. My vita means nothing. Fine. But give me some fucking credit. Today my super calls me in to discuss an important meeting with the women's shelter on Tues. We're administering an assessment. Now the only reason I even get to do this cool project is bc I am a woman, so I am way excited about the opportunity. He, however, is miffed that he doesn't get to do it himself and doesn't see me as qualified enough to read out some questions and circle the corresponding number. So he looks me dead in the eye and says in the voice only the Chotchkies Manager from Office Space could use, "Understand, your conduct is going to be of utmost importance in this meeting. It could make or break us." yes, master. I'll get my hump straightened out and refrain from picking my nose and screaming out obscenities. I have 15 years of professional experience, many of which are on the supervisory level and have served on the board of directors of numerous nonprofits. I have been volunteer of the year at several agencies and have been an educational administrator. I've presented at national conferences. You think I can't handle an hour meeting with a woman about an assessment?

Ok and if this weren't enough, we start talking about the assessment process itself. he begins talking about kids like they are morons, asserting that an 8 year old child wouldn't understand the words, "in the past year" or "threat." HOnestly the way he talks about kids just infuriates me. They are all 1 1/2 years old to him. And then, THEN, when I ask about maybe including some rapport building questions at the beginning of the interview, he has the audacity to say, "and well, of course this is just a possibility and not necessarily normalcy but just for the sake of argument let's say you get a girl (he stresses in this slow drawl) and you ask her about dresses and such and you get her going and then she gets all gabby and then you just can't get her to focus again on the questions. That would be a problem and probably, this is just a possibility, you wouldn't have that same reaction from a boy, you see, therein lies the danger of rapport building" (punctuation errors intentional to show how quickly he slurs these phrases together).

Oh, I'm just livid. LIVID! I'm gonna quit and become Alice in Fucking Wonderland at Disneyland.

Oh, and just to throw this in, he's got a fucking can of "Creamed Possum [sic]" on his desk for lunch. Blurk.