Day 2: Oops, must be working

Woke up still feeling like shit. My joints are horribly stiff in the morning and ache like hell. I can't even get down the stairs well, much less get out of bed without Edgy massaging my legs. He says my muscles get tighter everyday. Not good.

Stayed with the diet, though. Found that Diet Cherry Coke is ok, at least for now. Everything was going ok, not even really craving anything much, until dinner. STARVING, I had to run through a drive thru and was craving green beans (an ok on the diet), so I ordered from from KFC (the only place other than McDs around). Only thing is that they were canned. I hate canned veggies, but worse, canned veggies are prohibited. Still, I'm starving, so I ate them. Figured, what the hell is so bad about canned veggies other than they taste bad and have a lot of salt. Should've ordered a salad, but if I eat another dry salad right now, I might lose it.

Anyway, in class, I started shaking and thought what the hell, and then it hit me: canned veggies have sugar in them! So, I guess the diet is working because man oh man did I feel like ass after those beans.

I just hope I didn't set myself back a day. Can't handle more than 10.

Day 1 (cont): Crankiness

Scratch that insight shit. I WANT SOMETHING SWEET NOW! I'd take even a nasty ass sugar free ice cream pop right now.

Day 1: Insights

• oatmeal bites, especially without sugar and milk.
• I really want sugar 5th period, cookies particularly
• finding fast food to fit this diet is really difficult, but JITB has a decent salad even without the dressing and fried wontons
• Iced tea is not so bad as long as you nix the ice
• exercising on this diet is a chore
• canned broth has yeast in it, a nono for the diet
• end of detox diet occurs on May 4th, in time for Cinco de Mayo, but unfortunately, the toxin dieoff process on this diet is so strong that you have to introduce one food back each day (in a certain order--alcohol, corn, beans, and cheese being last), so Mexican food will probably not be on the list. I'm thinking reintroduce PASTA!
• toxin dieoff will begin in approx 3 days, during which time I will feel like I have the flu combined with bloating and/or GI issues. Don Eduardo is not happy but is preparing for the hurricane
• Cranky is so freakin hungry that her belly actually hurts
• confusion with diet instructions: "Measures must be taken to encourage more frequent and complete bowel elimination for those with slow elimination! [exclamation point is the author's]. Must clarify with doc what measures exactly bc websites recommend a warm salt water enema, and Don Eduardo puts his foot down on that one. Not gonna happen.
• This diet is too damn confusing, and I don't think I will make it 10 days

False Start

yeah, well, I was going to go on that diet today, but i realized that there were leftovers in the fridge that had to be eaten, so diet starts tomorrow. In fact, I'm on my way to buy food for it right now.

I know I know. Shaddup.

Cranky's about to be cranky

Just got back from a night of beer, pizza, fried cheese, and ranch dressing. why? because Cranky's about to go on an elimination diet to determine if food sensitivities are causing Chronic Fatigue symptoms. Here are the no nos for 10 days:

• breads
• cheese
• condiments with vinegar in them (even salad dressing has vinegar)
• malt
• bacon
• ham
• sausage
• hot dogs
• corned beef
• pastrami
• other processed meats (why am I thinking of Dick Cheney here?)
• melons
• fruit juices
• anything with sugar or sugar derivatives
• processed food
• other dairy products
• peas and beans
• corn
• potatoes (oh god help me)
• fruit
• wheat
• eggs
• white rice

Ah god. What am I going to eat? Oh, yeah, I forgot--no alcohol. Well, I am cheating, though, this week because StoneColdLisa wants to go to the Davenport (yes, she does, Glinda) so I'll cheat on that day.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'd like to introduce you to my two friends, Don Eduardo and Stinky Pete.

My new addiction

Of course, though I'm not really sick anymore, the Snot Monster is still wreaking havoc on my lungs if I eat any dairy, so I've done without chocolate, pudding, queso, all the yummies. I thought I was going to go nuts until I found PhillySwirl. MMMM, I love Italian Ices. Nondairy and sooooo yummy!

Is there anybody out there?

Cranky's grumpy.

• I'm still hacking up my lungs every 5 minutes, though I feel less like shit everyday.
• I had The Class tonight; that always makes Cranky grumpy
• Glinda gets to go to Chicago; Cranky grumpy, jealous, but still rooting for her to do well deep inside ;o)
• Goop has turned clear now, but it's prolific. It's like all the little snot creatures are having a swingers' party in every room in my body. Hence the coughing.
• TAKS is next week. I hate TAKS.
• Cranky hasn't had chocolate, dairy, or any food that is rough or creamy in texture in a week. It makes Cranky choke on Snot Creature spluge and hurts her throat. Cranky does not give up chocolate well, nor queso for that matter.
• Cranky hasn't been able to taste anything for 4 days.
• That white trash bimbo who can't sing is still on American Idol, a show I'm only paying half ass attention to because I want her ass to be kicked off, but she won't be because she's "a naughty little minx" according to Simon, even though she has no fucking clue what that even means with her big hair havin', "snot rag" (her words) blowin', dark roots' showin', makes LuAnn Platter look like a rocket scientist bimbo self.
• And Praxis hasn't updated his blog in months. Cranky wants some news from DCland. Still there?

Cranky wins

Went to the doc today. I have to wonder, and I happened to wonder this outloud after doc was a little prick to me: Is snideness a byproduct of medical school, or is being an asshole just a prereq for admission?

Anyway, my luck with docs is not wonderful, and this was no exception. I tell him my symptoms, and as usual, I get the "Well, someone sure has their list down." And then without listening goes into a rant about antibiotic overuse (I hadn't even asked for antibiotics) and bacteria mutating and whathaveyou, and then rants about how he has a "case of the sniffles and you don't see [him] running to a doctor whining and complaining" [he says with a teensy little sniff to prove that he does, indeed, have the sniffles.]

at this point I'm thinking, Jesus, you've got some issues, but I just say, "Um, well, I wouldn't have come in except that it's been 5..."

[interrupting]: "Yeah, 5 days. 5 days. It's always 5 days. It is mandatory that you wait 7 days before coming into the doctor. Don't you see that on your Nyquil package!"

"Um, K, but I'm a teach..." [was going to say that I was a teacher and it's TAKS and today was the only day I could get off to come in to the doctor]

[interrupting again]: "Oh, I know, I know, teacher, always wanting the quick fix. wouldn't it be nice if we could all get a quick fix? I sure would like a quick fix [he says all this while writing me out a prescription for an antibiotic]

So he hands me the script and then says, "you need to wait 48 hours before filling this script because you need to make sure that it isn't viral first, and you have to wait 7 days before you can know if it is viral. If in 48 hours, which i doubt, you are still sick, then you can fill this script." He hands me the zpack script.

Well, I know my body, and though I usually fight off the docs who try to force me to take antibiiotics bc usually I have a virus, I know that this time I do have a bacterial infection. Green goop and other things=bacterial infection in my estimation. Plus, it's been since 1999 that I've even taken an antibiotic, so I think I'm ok. Good lord.

That said, I took the antibiotic and I feel better. Not great, but better. green goop has gone yellow and Cranky is able to at least function.

'Twas Eastertime

and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble throughout my whole damn body!

I AM SO FREAKIN' SICK!

I've traded in my martinis for cocktails made from Nyquil, Dayquil, and Hot Toddies. The thought of food makes me sick, even queso, so you know I'm ill.

Damn the little pathogenic bastards!

Plus, to top it off today, a kid comes in my class, eye oozing with pink eye. She said she was diagnosed with it on Friday. Um...WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY CLASS TODAY THEN? So I send her down to the "nurse" (I put it in quotes to not only irritate Glinda but to also emphasize that while she is, indeed, an RN, she has no nursing skills beyond handing out bandaids and maxipads) who promptly sends her back to my class to wait for mom to pick her up? WTF? As soon as she left, I unloaded an entire can of lysol on everything--desks, floors, papers, doorknobs, you name it. I also must've covered my hands and arms in antibac gel 20 times.

Speaking of the nurse, Friday another teacher comes into my room telling me that a student passed out in the hallway. We call the nurse, and no one answers, so I leave the teacher with my class and run down to the nurses' station (not a short little jaunt mind you. Our school is big). No one is there but students who tell me that the nurses didn't come in today. That means that the RN and the RN aide just decided not to come in that day, and no one was there to cover for them. I tell an AP, who gets on the walkie talkie to get the school's trainer to come help, and then yells at me for not telling her exactly what room number the kid was in front of. I told her the 400 hall, but that wasn't good enough. Plus, I'm teaching a fucking class, not monitoring the hallways. By the time we got back, the kid had gotten up and wandered off, and the aide left with him said, "Well, he felt better." So the AP said, "Well, that was a waste of time."

UM HELLO?? Kid passes out and gets up and you don't see the need to find out where he went?

I work in hell.

For the artist and drinker in you

Check out Chilis' new gimmick. If you're looking for the Cranky artwork, search for Two Fister. Then vote for me so that I can win whatever it is that I win. I forgot. I'll share it with you, though!